The Kiss of Betrayal

Not every betrayal begins with harsh words.

Sometimes...it begins with a kiss.

Join me for a conversation about broken trust, unexpected grace, and the one question that just might change how you see betrayal forever.

Transcript

Welcome And A Heavy Topic

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Welcome to It's a Single Mom Thing. The show for Single Moms by Single Moms. This is Sherry, your host, and I am happy you are here today. Remember, it's a single mom thing, and not the single thing that stops you. Well, hey girl, hey, welcome back to another episode of It's a Single Mom Thing with your girl Sherry, and I just want to say I'm so glad you're here, and I'm glad I'm here today. So I have to warn you, this isn't exactly one of those episodes where we're going to laugh our way through life the whole time. Well, actually, knowing me, you know, we'll probably laugh just a little. Because sometimes I have found that's what gets us through the hard stuff. But today, ooh girl, today we are going to talk about something that every single one of us has experienced in one way or another. And I'm talking about betrayal. Just saying the word, I don't know about you, it kind of stings, doesn't it? I don't know, maybe it was a former spouse, or maybe it was the father of your child, a friend you would have trusted with your life, someone in your family, someone at church, I don't know, maybe someone who promised they'd never leave. Or maybe as soon as I said the word betrayal, ooh, someone's face immediately came to your mind. You didn't even have to think about it. So here's what I know. Betrayal has a way of leaving fingerprints on our hearts. Sometimes years later, something happens. Something happens. Someone says something, a text goes unanswered, a memory pops up, and all of a sudden it's like we're right back there again. Can I tell you something though? As I was spending time with the Lord this week, I thought he was going to teach me how to deal with people who betray us. Instead, he took me on a completely different journey. One that I'm honestly uh going to share with you, and it really caught me off guard. And by the end of it, I realized then that this episode that I was writing wasn't just going to be about betrayal, it was going to

Asking A New Betrayal Question

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be something much deeper. So today, I don't want us to just ask, well, who betrayed me? I want us to ask a different question. One that I've been wrestling with all week, if I'm quite honest with you. And it's who will betrayal make me? Will it make me bitter or better? Will it make me build walls or healthier boundaries? Will it make me stop trusting everyone or teach me to trust God even more? Because here's what I am learning. Betrayal is something that happens to us. It doesn't have to become who we are. Oof, I love that. It's so delicious. So listen, speaking of delicious girl, grab your cup of coffee, or if you're driving, just keep both hands on the wheel. Take a deep breath, and let's just spend a little time together, sister to sister, heart to heart, because I have a feeling God wants to show us something beautiful and one of life's ugliest experiences. So as we get comfy in our chairs or our car seat, you know, one of the things I love most about scripture is that God doesn't pretend life is easy. He doesn't hand us a Bible full of perfect people with perfect families who always say the right thing, right? I mean, honestly, that would be exhausting. Instead, he gives us real people, people who made mistakes, people who love deeply, people whose hearts got broken, people who wrestled with disappointment, people who had days where they probably looked up to heaven and said, God, I don't understand this. And if you've ever had one of those conversations with God, girl, you are in some good company. Because today I want us to

David And Honest Prayer

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spend a few minutes and moments with someone who knew betrayal better than most. David. Betrayal requires proximity. So can I tell you where I got stuck this week? It was four little words. Betrayal requires proximity. That's actually three words. Excuse me. Um, back to where we were going. So I literally stopped reading and I just sat there. Betrayal requires proximity because it's true. Think about it. A stranger can't really betray you, right? They can be rude, they can cut you off in traffic, they can steal your parking spot when you've been driving around Target for 15 minutes looking for one, right? I mean, annoying, yes, absolutely. Betrayal, not even close. Betrayal only comes from someone you trusted, someone you loved, someone you let close enough to your heart. That's why it hurts the way it does. It's not just what happened, it's who it happened through. And that's exactly where David finds himself in Psalms 55. Check it. Listen to what he says. My heart is in anguish within me. Fear and trembling have beset me. Horror has overwhelmed me. Now, I don't know about you, but I find so much comfort in the fact God left verses like this in the Bible. Because let's be honest. Sometimes we think we're supposed to show up to God with our church face on. You know the one. It goes like this. Oh, how are you today? Oh, I am blessed. Meanwhile, your life feels like someone shook it like a snow globe. Girlfriend, God has never once looked at one of your ugly cries and thought, well, this is awkward. He isn't intimidated by our tears. He's not disappointed by your questions. He's not even surprised by your pain. He's your father. And if my kid came to me crying, the last thing I'd say is, come back when you pulled yourself together. No, I'd say, come here, baby. I mean, can I just tell you something that gives me so much hope about David's story? The Bible calls him a man after God's own heart. Not because he was perfect. Goodness gracious, have you read his story? I mean, David, this man, he made some spectacular mistakes. He knew what it was like to be betrayed, and he also knew what it was like to betray the heart of God. Yet through it all, he kept coming back. Maybe being after God's heart isn't about never messing up, which think about that. Maybe it's never about stopping coming back. I don't know. Who needed to hear that today? But I sure did. And then David says something that absolutely wrecked me. And I'm gonna quote here. It says, If an enemy were insulting me, oh I could endure it. But it's you, my companion, my close friend. Oof. Isn't that the difference? I mean, if somebody you don't know says something hurtful, you might roll your eyes and keep walking, Felicia. But when it comes from someone who knows your story, someone who's sat at your kitchen table, someone who knows exactly where your heart is tender, someone even you prayed with, laughed with, trusted. That's different. That's next level. I mean, maybe for you it was a former spouse, maybe the father of your child, maybe your mom, your dad, your sister, a friend, someone at church, or maybe it's someone whose name still catches in your throat when you hear it. Can I tell you what I love about David? He doesn't pretend he's okay. He doesn't rush to the happy ending. He doesn't slap a Bible verse over his pain and call it healing. Oh no. He brings his broken heart to God exactly as it is. And maybe before we talk about forgiveness, before we talk about reconciliation, before we talk about even rebuilding trust, maybe that's where we need to start too. Not pretending we're okay, not by trying to be the strong Christian, just by coming to our Father exactly as we are. Because healing doesn't begin when we stop crying. Actually, I have found healing begins when we stop hiding it. And I think that's David's invitation to us. I mean, before God teaches us how to how listen to me.

Jesus And The Kiss Of Betrayal

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Now, can I show you someone else who was betrayed? Not with harsh words, not with a weapon, but with something that was supposed to represent love. A kiss. So David teaches us something really important. He teaches us that God can handle our broken hearts. We don't have to hide, we don't have to pretend, we don't have to have it all together, all the answers. We just need to come. But then the Bible introduces us to another betrayal. Ooh, spicy. One that honestly takes my breath away every time I read it. Because this isn't just David, this is my Jesus. And if anyone understands what betrayal feels like, it's him. The Kiss of Betrayal. Can I show you something I noticed this week? Now I have read this story, I don't know how many times. Seriously, I probably heard it since Sunday school. But this week it hit differently. Jesus is in the Garden of Jessamine. He already knows what's coming, right? He knows Judas is walking towards him. He knows the cross is only hours away. Nothing about this catches him by surprise, right? And then Matthew tells us this. Oof, listen, listen, listen, listen. This is in Matthew 26, verses 49 through 50. And I quoted, it says, Going at once to Jesus. Judas said, Greetings, rabbi, and kissed him. Jesus replied, Friend, do what you came for. Now, can we just stop right there? Friend? Am I serious? Are you serious right now, Jesus? You're calling him a friend? I mean, I don't know. I'm just going to be honest. I don't think I would have called him friend. I don't think that would have been my first word. I don't even know if I would have said a word. I might have hit him up with a little something, something. I mean, I don't know. Excuse me, or maybe, or uh, oh, so that's what we're gonna do today, Judas. Anybody else? I don't know. I'm sure there's a bunch of things going through your head, but Jesus, oh no. He says, friend. Now, don't misunderstand me. Jesus wasn't pretending Jus it Judas hadn't betrayed him. He wasn't saying it didn't hurt. He wasn't excusing what Judas was about to do. He simply refused to let Judas' betrayal determine his character. Can I get a mic drop? Amen, right there. That'll preach all by itself. Because isn't that exactly what betrayal tries to do? It doesn't just break our hearts, it tries to rewrite who we are. It whispers things like, Don't trust anybody, girl, keep your distance, never let anyone get close again. You better protect yourself. And then before we know it, we've become someone we never wanted to be, right? So can I ask you something? Who will betrayal make you? Because someone else's choices should never have the authority to decide your character. I am going to say that again because I need to hear it too. Someone else's choices should never, never, never, ever have the authority to decide your character. I mean, only Jesus gets that authority. Am I right? So now can we talk about the kiss just for a minute? Because honestly, I have always wondered, well, why a kiss? Why not just point and say, there he is? Why a kiss? And this is why I think I think it's because a kiss represents closeness, affection, trust, relationship, betrayal almost never comes from strangers. It usually arrives where in the face of someone we love. That's why I hurt so deeply. It wasn't the kiss itself, it was the kiss and what it represented. Broken trust, broken friendship, broken relationship. So can I ask you something else? Has someone else's betrayal started changing the way you love people? I mean, maybe you don't answer the phone anymore. Maybe you're always waiting for the other shoe to drop. I don't know, maybe even every time someone gets close, you quietly take two steps back. Maybe you become really good at saying, oh, you know, I'm fine while keeping everybody at arm's length. Girlfriend, listen, I get it. I really do. Trust me, please. But can I gently

Boundaries Versus Walls

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tell you something? Healthy boundaries, they are biblical. And I am so happy to deliver that message because I know from my own experience, walls are lonely. And there's a difference. You see, and let's explore that. Boundaries say, I love you, but trust has to be rebuilt. Walls say, I've decided nobody gets close anymore. Those are two very, very different things. One protects your heart, the other traps it. And I don't think that's what God wants for us. You know what I love most about Jesus in this moment? Judas interrupted his journey. He did not change his mission. Think about it for a second. Let's think about that. Judas didn't change Jesus into someone bitter, he didn't change Jesus into someone hateful. He didn't even change Jesus into someone vindictive. Jesus was still Jesus. Even after the kiss. And maybe, oof, that's the invitation for us today. Someone may have interrupted your story. They may have broken your trust. They may have shattered your heart, but they don't get to author your future. Only God does. He is the author. Am I right? So that brings us to a question that I think so many of us wrestle with.

Forgiveness Versus Rebuilding Trust

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If someone, and here's where it goes, if someone has betrayed me, do I have to trust them again? That's a good question. Because let's explore that. Forgiveness and reconciliation are actually two very different things. And you know, this is where I think a lot of people can get stuck. We hear people say, Oh, you just need to forgive. And we're over here thinking, okay, uh, does that mean I have to invite them over for Thanksgiving dinner too? Because listen, I don't know about you, those feel like two very different things. So let's untangle them for a moment. Forgiveness is free, trust is earned. Now, when I read this next part in my devotion, I read this this morning. I literally put my coffee cup down. And if you know me, that's saying something. Because I like me some coffee and I don't like to put it down. Because I have never thought about it this way before. Now, listen, forgiveness and reconciliation is what we're talking about. They're not the same thing. We're in we're gonna read that again. So forgiveness and reconciliation blah blah blah. I need to slow down. Forgiveness and reconciliation are not the same thing. Forgiveness is a decision. Reconciliation, however, is a process. Forgiveness only requires one willing heart. While reconciliation requires two. Can I just tell you how much freedom that gave me when I finally let that sink in? Because I think a lot of us, if I'm honest, I think we quite honestly believe that if I'm a good Christian, I have to act like nothing ever happened. Uh no. That's not what Jesus teaches. And let's think about it this way. You know that one coffee mug, not the random one shoved in the back of your cabinet that nobody claims I'm talking about your mug. The one with the funny saying, the one that somehow makes coffee taste a little bit better. The one your family already knows. Oh, don't touch that. That's mom's mug. You know exactly which one I'm talking about, right? Now, okay, check this. So let's say your best friend borrows it one morning and she accidentally drops it, shatters it. She's crying, you're hugging her, you're saying, girl, it's okay. It was an accident. That's forgiveness. But now, imagine every Monday she borrows another favorite mug. And every Monday, another mug hits the tile floor. Well, I don't know about you, but by the fourth Monday, you're standing there in your kitchen saying, you know what? Here's a paper cup. I mean, not because you stopped loving her. Okay, let's think about it. Not because you haven't forgiven her, but because wisdom says I'm gonna need a little consistency before I hand you my favorite mug again. Oof, did you hear that? Did you hear the difference? Forgiveness says, I release you to God. Trust says, I'm gonna watch whether your actions and your words begin matching. Those are not my enemies, they're actually my friends. Then my devotion asked a question that actually stopped me in my tracks. And it said, Can a friendship recover after betrayal? I'm gonna pause for a second because I'm sure you got an answer already in your head. And so just like you, I held my breath waiting for the answer because honestly, I don't know about you, but I wanted to say, well, absolutely, or maybe it was this way. Nope, move on, bye, Felicia. Instead, oof, it said something so much wiser. It said, listen, reconciliation is possible. Okay, possible, it is possible. However, when the offended remains open and the offender demonstrates genuine repentance over time. Over time. Not a weekend. Not because someone cried, not because they sent flowers, not because they wrote a really nice Facebook post about grace. Geez, can I just say something? Sometimes people apologize because they're uncomfortable, right? Repentance though is different. Repentance changes direction. Repentance is visible. Repentance keeps showing up long after the emotion wears off. Emotion or emotions. That's how trust is built. Brick by brick, day by day, choice by choice. And I love, I love, I love that God never asks asks us to confuse grace with wisdom. He says forgive. He also gives us discernment. Those two things can hold hands. Now, listen, can I gently turn the mirror around a second? Because I think we've all spent the last 20 minutes thinking about the people who hurt us, okay? But have you ever been the one who dropped someone

When We Are The One Who Hurt

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else's favorite mug? Oof, I don't know about you, but yeah, I have. Maybe it wasn't betrayal on the level we've been talking about today. Maybe it was a promise you didn't keep, words you wish you could take back, an assumption you made, a relationship you neglected, a moment where your pride won. We've all been there. Now, if that's you, don't wait. Go first. Pride says, oh, they'll get over it, but love, love says, if I hurt you, I want to make it right. Can I make a tiny public service announcement right here? If your apology has the word but B-U-T in it, oh, we're gonna need a do-over here, okay? I'm sorry, but no, no, no, no. I'm sorry if you felt nope. I want you to try this. This is how it goes. I was wrong. I hurt you. I'm sorry. Will you forgive me? Period. No footnotes, no pie charts, no PowerPoint presentation explaining why technically it wasn't entirely. Your fault. Just own it. And then listen, then be patient. Because remember, our favorite coffee mug, if you're the one who dropped it, you don't get to decide when someone feels safe handing you another one. That takes time. Consistency, humility, changed behavior. The Bible says it this way: As far it depends on you, live at peace with everyone. I love that verse because it doesn't say control everybody. It doesn't say make sure they forgive you. It doesn't say fix the relationship. It simply says, as far as it depends on you, make the phone call. As far as it depends on you, send the text. As far as it depends on you, own your part. As far as it depends on you, ask for forgiveness. Then leave the outcome with God. Because here's what I have learned: I'm responsible for my obedience. I am not responsible for someone else's response. And girlfriend, listen, check it. There is so much peace in that. Because obedience isn't measured by whether someone says yes, it's measured by whether we're willing to say yes, Lord. Now, listen, everything we've talked about today has been leading to one moment. And I have to tell you, I did not see this coming either. Because before I ever opened my Bible this morning, God spoke something to my heart that completely changed the direction of this entire podcast episode. Then God turned the mirror. Can I tell you how this whole episode happened? Because honestly, I thought I was writing a podcast about betrayal. But you know our God, He has other plans, which are all good, by the way. This morning I sat down for my quiet time. I hadn't even opened my Bible yet. And before I read a single word, I felt God impress something on my heart. Now, mind you, not audibly, just one of those moments where you know he's speaking. And it was simply this. I want to teach you how to handle betrayal the way I do. Oof, oof, oof. Gosh, that got me. I remember smiling and thinking, okay, Lord, I'm listening.

God Turns The Mirror Toward Us

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You got my attention. I figured we were about to have a conversation about forgiveness, about some difficult people, about healing, maybe even about my own story. So I opened my devotion next, right? And I started reading. And for a while, that's exactly where I thought we were headed. And then God did what he always seems to do. He turned the mirror around. I mean, have you ever noticed that? You'll come to God hoping he's going to explain somebody else. And then somehow you leave realizing how he's been gently working on your own heart all along. I mean, I don't know about you, but that happened to me this morning. And I was thinking about the people who have betrayed me. I mean, the hurts, the disappointments, the relationships that still leave a lump of my throat if I'm being honest. And then, almost as gently as the father putting his hand on his daughter's shoulder, I felt a mask. Sherry, what about your heart? Oof, gosh, let me gone. That wasn't where I thought this conversation was going, my daddy. If I'm honest, I wanted to stay over here on the other side of the table talking about everybody else. But suddenly it got really personal. Now, before anybody panics, I'm not saying I've sold Jesus out for 30 pieces of silver, okay? But have I doubted him? Yes. Have I questioned his timing? Uh absolutely. Have I tried to grab the steering wheel back because I thought I knew a better route? Well, more times than I would like to admit. Have I let fear make decisions that faith should have made? Uh of course. And when I looked at it that way, I realized something. My sin has broken the heart of a God who has never, never stopped loving me. Then it all came together. Like I've been hit with a wrecking ball, if I'm honest. It was as it was as if God had been patiently leading me to one simple truth all morning long. And it sounded like this. My darling daughter, you'll never learn to handle betrayal the way I do until you remember how I've handled yours. Uh girlfriend. I don't know that I will ever forget that. Because listen, remember, all morning I had been asking, Lord, help me heal from the people who have hurt me. And then he gently reminded me, You've never healed by staring at your wounds. You've always healed by looking at my grace. Girl, that changed everything. Because when I looked back over my life, not one single time, not once has God ever looked at me and said, That's it. I am done with you. No, instead, he kept pursuing me, he kept forgiving me, he kept inviting me back, he kept saying, Come home, Sherry. That's the gospel. Now that we've never, not that we've never failed him, but that his love is greater than our failures. I mean, look at Peter. He denied Jesus three times. Can you imagine carrying that kind of shame? Then after the resurrection, I mean, Jesus could have started with a lecture. Instead, he started with breakfast. I just love that. I mean, think about it. The God of the universe cooked breakfast. That's the Jesus we serve. Gentle, patient, restorative. I have a hard time saying that. Restorative. Then three times, the same number of denials, Jesus asked, Do you love me? Not to rub Peter's failure in, but to remind him that failure wasn't going to write the final chapter. No grace was. Maybe somebody listening today needs to hear that. I don't know about you, but I certainly did. Maybe you're convinced, maybe you've convinced yourself that the worst thing you've ever done is the truest thing about you. Sister girlfriend, it isn't. Jesus gets the final word. He always has, he always will. And maybe, just maybe, learning to handle betrayal the way God does begins by remembering how He handled ours with truth, with grace, with mercy that shows up again tomorrow morning and the morning after that. My friend, listen, I'm so thankful that God doesn't only love me on my best days because if he did, ooh, I would be in some trouble. He loved me before I ever chose him. He loved me when I wandered. He still loves me today. That's the kind of love that changes people. Not fear, not guilt, love. So maybe today, instead of asking, how do I get even or how do I make them understand what they did to me? Maybe we ask a different question. And I hope you got some pen and paper handy or you remember this. We are at 29 minutes, 50 seconds in, if you need to come back to this question. Jesus, would you help me remember how you've loved me when I didn't deserve it? Because listen, I think the more we understand that answer, the more we'll start looking like him. And honestly, ladies, listen, I can't think of anything more beautiful than that. So as we close, I want to thank you for spending time with me today. But I also want to leave you with this one last thought. Maybe today you've realized you've been carrying betrayal

Healing By Looking At Grace

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around a little longer than you thought. And listen, it's okay. I'm not here to shame you. But maybe you've even been waiting for someone to apologize. Or maybe you've been hoping they'll finally understand how deeply they hurt you. Maybe that day comes. Maybe it doesn't. But don't let your healing wait on someone else's decision. Jesus is ready to meet you right where you are today. So whatever you are carrying, I need you, girl. I want you, I want you to bring it to him. The hurt, the disappointment, the questions, the anger, the shame, the broken pieces, girl, bring it all. Because I have learned something. Jesus has never once asked me to clean up my heart before bringing it to him. He simply says, Come. And every single time he meets me there before we go. So can I ask you a favor? Listen, if today's conversation encouraged you, would you share it with someone? Maybe another single mom, maybe a friend who's walking through betrayal, maybe someone who's quietly carrying a hurt that nobody else knows about. Listen, you never know what one conversation can do. And also, while you're at it, I'd love for you to visit us at shepherdsvillage.com. Now, listen, don't laugh because I know a lot of you only know me and us through this podcast. But listen, I've been working with Shepherd's Village, and Shepherd's Village has been working really hard behind the scenes to create so much more than a place to listen to episodes. We are creating a village. When you visit, you'll find free classes through Shepherd's Village University, articles to encourage your faith, stories from moms who've walked through this road before you, resources if you're looking for help, information about our Tuesday night life development and confidence classes. If you're here in the Tampa Bay area, soon we're going to have those recorded too, so maybe you have access to those. And if you're listening from somewhere else, listen, girl, you are still part of this village because encouragement does not need a zip code. So whether you're a single mom or someone who loves a single mom or someone who just stumbled on this little corner of the internet, I hope you'll stay a while. Explore, learn, connect. Because listen, this ministry has never just been about housing. It's never just been about a podcast. It's always, always been about helping single moms and their kids face their future with confidence through the hope of Jesus and the support of a village. And that's exactly what we hope you'll find. So before I go, I want to leave you with the words that I say at the end of every episode. And you know it, you

Closing Encouragement And Resources

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should know it by now. It's a single mom thing, but not the single thing that stops you. Because check it, being single is a circumstance. It's not your identity. Your past isn't your identity. Betrayal is not your identity. Divorce is not your identity. Mistakes are not your identity. Your identity has already been settled by the one who calls you his. So this week, walk in that truth. Take that next step. Tilt that crown back up. Trust Jesus with the parts of your story that still hurt. And remember, your best chapters may still be ahead. So I want to thank you for hanging out with me today. I'll talk to you next time on It's a Single Mom Thing. Have a wonderful week. Thanks for listening to It's a Single Mom Thing. I hope you enjoyed our time together. If you have more questions on how to have a relationship with Jesus or prayer, visit us at www.shepardsvillage.com backslash prayer. For more information and resources, check out