What's Your Non-Negotiable

At some point, every woman has to decide what’s non-negotiable — not out of pride, but out of wisdom.

In this episode of It’s a Single Mom Thing, we’re talking about the lines that protect your faith, your healing, your relationships, your children, and your future. Because if you don’t define what’s foundational in your life, life will define it for you.

We’ll unpack how we negotiate with ourselves, why silence can cost more than truth, and how your boundaries today shape the adults you’re raising tomorrow.

This isn’t about building walls.

It’s about building standards.

So the question is simple:

What’s your non-negotiable?

Chapters

• 0:00 Defining Non-Negotiables
• 2:30 Faith As Foundation Not Fallback
• 6:20 Healing, Body Signals, And Drift
• 10:37 Relationships That Resist Your Growth
• 15:12 Boundaries, Access, And Peace
• 19:02 Parenting Standards As A Blueprint
• 24:02 Modeling Strength For Your Kids

Transcript

SPEAKER_00: 0:00

It's a single mom thing. The show for single moms? I single moms. This is Sherry Coast, and I am happy you are here today. It's a single mom thing, and not the single thing that stops you.

SPEAKER_01: 0:15

I think every person, not just single moms, has to come to a place in life where they decide what's non-negotiable. Not out of prime, not out of fear, but out of wisdom. Because if you don't decide what your non-negotiables are, you know life will decide for you. And I've learned this in my own life sometimes the hard way. Whether it's my time, non-negotiable in certain areas, my dime, how I spend it, where I give it, what I invest in, or who I spend my time with, how I allow people to speak to me, what I allow back into my life. Those things aren't accidental anymore. And one of the biggest markers in my own story, sacrificing my boundaries to try to keep someone else comfortable, trying to keep them calm, trying to keep them safe, trying to manage their reaction. Well, I used to believe that if I just said it softer or waited longer or explained it better, then maybe their response would be different. I mean, raise your hand, how many of you have feel the same way, right? But here's what I've learned, and maybe you've learned too. Speaking a truth, well, that is my responsibility. But their response is theirs. I don't have to sacrifice my boundaries to control someone else's emotions. That was a hard lesson. Listen. But it became what I'm calling a marker. Not a mistake I live in, a marker. A marker that reminds me, oh, not there again, girl. We all have those markers. Moments where we bent too far, maybe stayed a little too long, shrank too small, or even ignored what God was nudging. Instead of letting those moments define us, what if we let them direct us? This isn't about shame. This isn't about clarity. Because when you've lived through enough, you realize, and I hope maybe some of y'all are there right now, you start to realize that everything cannot be up for negotiation. And that includes not your faith, not your kids, not your healing, not your growth, and certainly not your peace. So today, ladies, we are not building walls, okay? But we are going to be building standards. And we're asking the question if every grown woman rebuilding her life needs to answer, well, that every grown woman needs to answer if they're rebuilding her life. And that is, guess what? What's your non-negotiable? Welcome back to another episode of It's Sing a Mom Thing. So let's start here. Faith, is it your foundation or your fallback? Because listen, if your faith is negotiable, listen, ladies, everything else will be too. For a lot of us, faith becomes our fallback. We pray when we're desperate. We open the Bible when we're overwhelmed. We go to church when things are falling apart. And listen, God meets us there every time. But listen, there's got to be a difference. There is a difference between faith being your emergency contact and faith being your foundation. A foundation, ladies, isn't emotional. It's it isn't seasonal. It isn't dependent on how you feel about God that day. Rather, it's settled. And single moms especially have to decide this. Take it from me. Because listen, when life feels unstable, you need something that isn't. If your faith then is negotiable, then so is your peace. If your faith is negotiable, then so is your identity, which will then shift based on who approves of you. If your faith is negotiable, then listen to me. Then your standards will move with your loneliness. But when your faith becomes non-negotiable, girl, listen, you don't chase validation, you walk in your calling, you don't panic over provision, you trust the provider. You don't compromise your convictions even when it costs you your comfort. And now sometimes that is really hard. And then let me gently say this sometimes we don't walk away from God, we just slowly drift. We negotiate our quiet time, we negotiate obedience, we negotiate what we know he already told us. And then we say things like this in our head. Oh, I'll handle this one. Oh, I'll circle back to that later. I know what scripture says, but that's negotiating. And ladies, listen, if faith is your foundation, it can't be a situation when you say, Well, I'll get to it when I can. It becomes this is who I am, this is how I live. Maybe not perfectly, but intentionally. Because when everything else shakes, and I'm talking co-parenting, finances, dating, career changes, ladies, you need something that doesn't. And that's why faith has to be first. It's not about being hyper-spiritual. That's not what I'm talking about here. Please don't get that confused. What I'm talking about, though, it's about being anchored. Now think about that. It's why faith has to be first. You see, faith isn't the decorative piece in your life. It's as I said, it's your foundation. And that's why I felt it was important that we start here. Because if your faith is settled, well, ladies, then it strengthens every other non-negotiable we're talking about. Your healing, your relationships, your growth, your standards. They all think about this. They sit on what you believe about God and what you believe about who you are in Him. So we when we begin with faith, well, not because it sounds right, but because it holds everything else up. And well, sometimes I have to even say this even the most healed version of you will disappoint the version of you that used to tolerate everything. That's what I'm gonna call growth. So before we move on, I want you to sit with this for a second and think about it. Where are you negotiating your healing right now? Is it in a conversation you keep replaying? A boundary you keep softening, a relationship you know reopens old wounds? Are you calling something grace that is actually avoidance? Or are you calling something peacekeeping that's actually fear? And again, let me ask you another question. Something even more practical. How's your nervous system right now? When you think about that situation, does your body feel calm? Or does something inside of you tighten? Does your chest feel heavy? Does your stomach not? Does your mind start racing? Because listen, what I have found is sometimes your body knows a boundary is being crossed way before your mouth even admits it. So is your nervous system sounding an alarm that something's being pushed, questioned, or even stepped on? Or are you actually at peace? Because healed living feels steady, not perfect, not conflict-free, but steady. And then healing becomes non-negotiable. The moment you decide you're no longer willing to abandon yourself to make someone else comfortable, ooh, that's the sweet spot. And let's just go ahead and say it while we're there. Some of the quote-unquote someones who feel uncomfortable when you grow, and we're about to talk about them next, because listen, not everyone benefits from your boundaries. And I guess some of you listening probably know what I'm talking about. But everyone does benefit from your wholeness. And listen, we're not shrinking back just because someone else prefers the smaller version of you. So, all right, we're gonna talk about those someones, the relationships, all kinds of them. Because once you decide healing is a non-negotiable relationships, ladies, they will reveal where you really stand. This is gonna be good. Stay tuned, okay? So I'm not just gonna be talking about romantic relationships here, okay? We're gonna be talking about all the relationships, all kinds. We're talking your friends, family, co-parents, co-workers, church community, the people you let close to you. Because here's the truth not everyone's comfortable with your growth. Some people, well, they bonded with you in survival mode. Some people connected with you when you were over-explaining. Some people liked you better when you were a little quieter, but healed you, clear you, boundaried you. Ooh, that version that requires a little adjustment. And sometimes the negotiations, well, they like to creep back in. You start thinking, maybe I'm just being too much, or maybe I should just let it go, or maybe I don't need to say anything, or maybe I should just be grateful to hear. Uh no. Gratitude doesn't require, listen to me, require self-betrayal. Let me say that again because we need to hear that. Gratitude does not require self-betrayal. Non-negotiable relationships, girls, they look like this. I will not beg for consistency, I will not chase clarity, I will not tolerate disrespect disguised as humor. Ha ha, not funny anymore. I will not introduce instability into my kids' lives. I will not confuse attention with intention. Attention with intention. Did you hear those things? You see, loneliness, from my experience, will try to renegotiate your standards. But history, listen, history will also do the same. History will try to no renegotiate your standards as well. Chemistry will try to renegotiate your standards. But peace, mm-mm. Peace doesn't beg. Peace feels steady. And here's something powerful. If someone becomes uncomfortable because you calmly communicate a boundary, that discomfort, well, that's information, that's data to put in your metrics. It doesn't mean you were wrong. It does mean though, you however, you may have shifted. And healthy relationships adjust to growth. Unhealthy ones, however, they will resist it. So now does that mean that you need to cut everyone off? No. We're not building walls here, but we are building standards. So listen to me. This is what a standard is gonna say. I can love you and still say no. I can forgive you and still change access. I can even care about you and still protect my peace. Because here's something else you probably didn't even think of, or maybe you have. Because listen, your kids are watching. They're learning what love looks like from you. They're learning what tolerance looks like. They're learning, you know what else they're learning? They're learning whether their mom stands firm or does she shrink small. And if relationships are a non-negotiable in your life, then safety, consistency, and respect have to be a part of the deal. Anything that costs you your peace, girl, is way too expensive. So before we move on to the next segment, I want to do a little, take a little pulse here, see where your heart's at. Are you seeing this right now in your life? Is there maybe a relationship where you know a boundary needs to exist, but it doesn't? Have you put boundaries in place before and then slowly let them down because someone else was uncomfortable? Did you convince yourself it wasn't worth the tension? Did you tell yourself, ah, it's fine, I can handle it? Or how about this? Have you ever stopped to consider that your discomfort might actually be clarity? That's a good one. And here's the brave question, okay? What changes do you need to make? And I'm not necessarily talking about dramatic changes, not cutting off everyone kind of changes, but honest ones. Do you you need to maybe tighten up access a little bit, clarify expectations, stop over explaining, maybe even stop tolerating almost. Because here's the thing about boundaries that I have learned. You don't just set them once, you have to maintain them. And girl, maintenance, it's gonna require a lot of courage, especially when the people around you were benefiting, listen to me, were benefiting from the version of you that had none. So do yourself a favor right now and just take a little bit of inventory. Where are you steady and where are you slowly shrinking again? And while we're talking about shrinking, let's talk about your littles. And I'm talking your kids. Because whether you realize it or not, your non-negotiables are becoming also their blueprint. They're learning, girl. They're learning what love looks like, what conflict looks like, what respect looks like, what self-worth looks like. And here's the question: What are your non-negotiables in parenting? Have you ever even thought about that? And so let's talk about that. I'm not just talking about the ones that you say out loud, but I'm talking about the ones you actually live out loud. Under your roof, girl, what's sacred? Is it respect? Is it honesty? Is it faith being practiced, not just being mentioned? Is it emotional safety? Is it that no one gets to speak to anyone without contempt, including you? See, single moms, especially, you have to decide this. Because when life feels unstable in other areas, your home has to feel steady for both you and your kids. Your kids, they don't know how to control two households. It's it's not their responsibility. But they will always remember how it felt, though, to live in two different homes. They will remember what it felt like to live in your home if it's the steady one. So what's your non-negotiable? Is it yelling? Is that acceptable? Is sarcasm acceptable? Is dismissing feelings accessible tongue tied again? Is dismissing feelings acceptable? Or is your home a place where truth is spoken? But spoken safely. And so here's a little deeper layer that I want to add to that. Are you shrinking in front of your little side? Are you over-accommodating in ways that teach them to do the same every day in their day? Because listen, what you tolerate now, they start to normalize. So now let's flip that forward. If your child is eight, twelve, fifteen, one day they will be a young adult navigating friendships, dating, work environments. What are you modeling, mama, for them right now? Because boundaries, self-respect, faith, how to handle conflict, how to walk away with dignity. You're teaching them non-negotiables. So your non-negotiable parenting might look like this. We apologize in this house, we pray in this house, we speak respectfully in this house, we tell the truth in this house, we protect each other in this house. And here's something powerful. You don't just teach non-negotiables, ladies, you live them. So as you know, your children are watching. So how you respond then when someone crosses your line should become an important non-negotiable. You see, because they're watching whether you're gonna stand firm or you're gonna fold. They're watching whether you're gonna speak truth or stay silent. And that's not pressure. I'm not trying to pressure you, but listen, I want to tell you that's a little influence. So maybe the question isn't just, well, what are my non-negotiables? Maybe it's what kind of adult am I raising here? Because someday they'll have to decide what's non-negotiable in their own lives. And the foundation starts under your roof. So let me ask you something brave here, okay? If your child dated someone who treated them the way you're currently allowing yourself to be treated, how would you feel? If your daughter tolerated what you're tolerating, would you call that strong? If your son shrank the way you shrink, would you tell him that's healthy? Now, listen, I'm not talking condemnation here or shaming you. What I'm trying to get to is clarity. Because our kids don't just inherit our eye color, they inherit our patterns, they inherit our emotional tolerance levels, they inherit our understanding of what love requires and what it never should. So I'm just asking you to take a pulse. What are you modeling right now? Where are you steady? Where are you shrinking? And what non-negotiables need to be reinforced, not just for you, but for the adults you're raising. Because one day they will hear your voice in their head when they're deciding what to accept. So let's make sure that that voice is a strong mama. So as I close, we're going to go into our final segment of growth and change because we want to learn how to stop negotiating our future away. So let's lift our eyes forward because non-negotiables aren't just about protecting your present, but they are about building your future. Growth, that's where we're going. So growth has to become a non-negotiable. And growth, ooh, girl, it is uncomfortable. It stretches your budget, it stretches your confidence, it stretches your faith, and it stretches your circle. But we're comfort, listen, comfort is not the goal here. Clarity is. So if growth is negotiable, you'll stay where you are because, well, it's familiar. Even if it's frustrating, even if it's limiting, even if it's beneath what you're capable of. Sometimes the biggest non-negotiable isn't about a relationship, it's about a decision. I will not live like this forever. Not in chaos, not in financial confusion, not in emotional survival mode, not believing lies about myself. Oh no. Change, though, listen, change becomes powerful when you stop negotiating the necessary. You already know what needs to shift. That conversation, that habit, that spending pattern, that boundary, that dream you keep putting off. And here's what I love about this stage of life. We're not reckless anymore. We're rebuilding intentionally. Non-negotiable growth girls, it sounds like I will keep learning, I will keep healing, I will keep showing up, I will not shrink back into who I used to be. Because every time, ladies, every time you honor your non-negotiables, you strengthen your self-trust. And listen, self-trust builds confidence. And then confidence builds legacy. You're not just surviving, you are shaping the next chapter. And here's the truth not everyone will understand your standards, not everyone will like your boundaries, not everyone will. Everyone will grow with you. But you're not negotiating your future to keep other people comfortable. Am I right? Can I get an amen? Yes, girl. What are you doing? You are building something sacred. And sacred things, those require lines. So here's what I want you to do. I hope you got your pen and paper handy. You should know this by now, my single girls. Listen, I want you to write down three non-negotiables. Just three. In your faith, maybe in your faith, in your healing, your relationships, your parenting, your growth. Pick three. And then ask yourself this. Where have I been negotiating? Because every time you stop negotiating what matters, you step into alignment. And then alignment, girls, that's where the peace is. That's the sweet spot. It's not loud. It's not dramatic. It's just steady. You don't have to announce standards. You just have to live them. And so, ladies, you're allowed to grow. Give yourself permission. You're allowed to speak. Yes, I give myself permission. You're allowed to protect your peace. Yes, I am. And you are allowed to say, This is where I stand. So before we close, I do want to end in prayer because we we covered some heavy stuff here and some of it you might not know what to do with right now, but I know the Lord does. So Lord, give us the wisdom to recognize what you've called sacred in our lives. Give us courage to protect it. Where we've been negotiating out of fear, insecurity, or loneliness. Please, Lord, bring clarity. Where we've been shrinking, strengthen us. Teach us how to speak truth without hostility. Teach us how to hold boundaries without guilt. Help us model wholeness for our children and remind us that obedience to you will sometimes make other people uncomfortable, and that's okay. Lord, anchor our faith, steady our healing, guard our home, strengthen our growth. Lord, we trust you with the work you're doing in us. In Jesus' powerful name, amen. So, if today stirred something in you, don't sit with it alone. If you need prayer, you know we have a 24-hour prayer line that you can call at 855-822-Pray anytime, day or night. Someone will pray with you, girl. And if you're looking for community, classes, or support, visit shepherdsvillage.com. Because listen, you don't have to build your life by yourself. And as we close, let me bring you back to the question that started this whole conversation. What's your non-negotiable? Because when you stop negotiating what God is strengthening you, you stop shrinking, you start standing, and that changes everything. Have a wonderful week and remember it's a single mom thing, and not the single thing that stops you.

SPEAKER_00: 25:34

Thanks for listening to It's a Single Mom Thing. I hope you enjoyed our time together. If you have more questions on how to have a relationship with Jesus or need prayer, visit us at www.shepherdsvillage.com backslash prayer. For more information and resources, check out our show notes.