Fear of Failure Is Not Your Boss

Fear of failure has been acting like your boss—and today, we’re firing it. In this episode of It’s a Single Mom Thing, we’re flipping the pressure of “What do you want to achieve?” into a more powerful question: What do you want to experience this year? Even if life feels messy, heavy, or uncertain, you can still choose a direction.

We’ll talk about the question that exposes what your heart really wants—“If you knew you could never fail, what would you do?”—and why fear of failure keeps so many single moms stuck in overthinking, delaying, and talking themselves out of growth. You’ll walk away with practical, real-life shifts to get moving again: shrinking the step, redefining failure, creating a 14-day experiment, building a Plan B, and choosing courage over confidence.

Plus, I’ll guide you through the Experience Map—a simple 3-step exercise to help you choose one word for your year, picture what it looks like, and take one brave step that fits your real life.

🎧 Listen on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, iHeartRadio, or at shepherdsvillage.com/podcast.

If you need prayer, call our 24-hour prayer line: 855-822-PRAY.
If you’re in the Tampa Bay area, learn about our upcoming classes at shepherdsvillage.com/classes.

Share this episode with a friend who needs a push with love—because fear can talk, but it doesn’t drive.

Chapters

• 0:00 Welcome And Setting The Tone
• 0:42 Experience Over Outcomes
• 2:24 Choose One Word For The Year
• 4:59 If You Couldn’t Fail Question
• 6:18 Naming Fear’s Real Tactics
• 8:07 Shrink The Step Strategy
• 10:19 Redefining Failure
• 11:15 Experiment Mindset Not Performance
• 12:09 Build A Steady Plan B
• 13:39 Choose Courage Over Confidence
• 15:03 Build Your Experience Map
• 17:20 One Brave Step And Resources

Transcript

SPEAKER_01: 0:00

Welcome to It's a Single Mom Play. The show for Single Moms by Single Moms. This is Sherry, your host, and I am happy you are here today. It's a single mom play, but listen about my mom. We are going to fire some fear. Fear of what? Fear of failure, because listen, it's been acting like your boss, and well, it is not qualified for that job. Now, before you shut this off and say, Well, must be nice, let me honor you with something. If your life's heavy right now, I want to say you're not lazy. You're caring a lot. But I want you to hear me out. Hard seasons, they don't have to cancel your direction. So I'm not asking, what do you want to achieve this year? No, no. On the contrary, I am asking, what do you want to experience this year? Maybe some peace, confidence, stability, rest, how about some joy and even some freedom? So here's the question that tells the truth, okay? Listen up. If you knew you could never fail, what would you do? Cause listen, I am here to tell you today we are not doing another year of some overthinking, delaying, and talking ourselves straight up out of what we keep praying about. Am I right? So welcome back to another episode of It's a Single Mom Thing. Aren't you glad that you came today? All right, so I'm gonna start this podcast with a little quick mindset shift. You see, outcomes, well, they can feel crushing when you're already maxed out. You know, things like lose the weight, fix the finances, get the new job, blah blah blah, blah, blah. Those are fine goals, don't get me wrong, but they can also feel like pressure, kind of like the pressure you feel in a tight pair of jeans. Just saying. So we're going to lead with experience instead, okay? Because experience, in my experience, gives you direction without demanding perfection. So here's what I mean by that. An outcome says, for example, I have to get somewhere. But experience says, I want my life to feel different while I'm getting there. So let me ask you again. Are you with me? Say amen. Okay. If this year you could feel like something, what would it feel like? And listen, don't give me the cute answer, okay? Give me the real one. Would it feel like peace? Like you're not waking up already behind? Or would it feel like stability? Like your money isn't giving you whiplash every month, just saying. Or how about would it feel like confidence? Some of you all want some confidence, like you've done questioning yourself every single time you make a decision. Would it feel like rest? And I'm talking real rest, not the kind where you sleep, but the one where your mind is still running. Or would it feel like joy? Like you can laugh again without feeling guilty that life isn't perfect. Wouldn't it be awesome to feel like freedom, like your past and your fear aren't calling the shots? Now pause for a second. Because I'm about to be bossy for a few seconds. Because listen, I love you way too much. So I want you to pick one. Not five, not twelve, just one. Because when you pick just one, well, you get to focus. And then focus, listen, ladies, what focus does, it turns it into movement. And if your brain is trying to say, Well, I don't know, well, yes, you do. You're just afraid to say it out loud. Why? Well, because then it means you might actually have to go after it. Ooh, that's a mic drop. And that's where, ladies, fear of failure starts acting up like it pays rent. So let me make this simple for a sister. Finish this sentence after me, okay? This year I want to experience and fill in the blank. Now say it again slower. Write it down if you can. Put it in your phone notes. Put it on a sticky note. Put it somewhere where you will see it when you are tempted to quit. Because listen, this year we are not walking into this year on accident. We are walking into it on purpose. And listen, now that you have your one word, here comes the next question. You ready for it? This is the one that exposes what you really want, but you've been talking yourself out of. Ready? Here we go. If you knew you could never fail, what would you do this year? Now hold that thought for a second. Because we're about to take that big dream and we're going to break it down into one brave step that fits your real life. Oh yes, we are. Because listen, your soul just spoke. So let's not let fear edit it. Because fear, ooh, it loves to become your personal editor. It takes what you want and starts crossing things out with red ink. It whispers, who do you think you are? That's too much. Oh girl, you are too late. Shh, you don't even have the money. Or, well, you don't even have the time. You'll start and not finish again just saying. And before you know it, fear didn't just protect you, it re wrote your whole year. So let's name it plainly. Most of the time, fear of failure isn't fear of failing. Oh no. It's fear of being judged, fear of wasting time or money, fear of disappointing your kids, fear of proving your own negative beliefs right, fear of starting again and getting tired again, fear of your own success, fear of the what if. And I'm gonna say this like your loving bossy friend. Fear promises protection, but it charges you peace as payment. And listen, I don't know about you, but I'm a little done, and I hope you are done paying that bill. So here's what we're gonna do. Something simple, not dramatic. We're going to shrink that step. Now, what do I mean about that? I'm not talking about shrinking the whole dream, the whole plan, not the 10-year vision. Oh no, I am not gonna do that to a sister.

SPEAKER_00: 7:01

But I am talking about shrinking just the next right move. Because listen, ladies, the goal isn't to be fearless, the goal is to be moving.

SPEAKER_01: 7:16

So here's the part that fear hates. Fear is fine with you thinking about it. Fear is even fine with you talking about it, and it's even fine with you praying about it. But oh girl, fear panics when you actually take a step. So we're about to do the thing that breaks fear's power. We're going to move. Now, not dramatically, but strategically. So I'm going to give you a handful of simple shifts you can use in real time when fear starts running its mouth. And we're starting small on purpose because listen, small steps build brave women. So I hope you got some pen and paper handy. Feel free to hit pause anytime as you're writing these down as we go. So first, shrink the step. So again, what I said about that, we're not going to shrink the whole dream and not the whole plan and not the 10-year vision, just the next right move, right? So let me ask you what's the smallest step that still counts? If the dream is school, the step is requesting information. If the dream is a new job, the step is updating the resume or applying to one position. If the dream's stability, the step is a 15-minute budget check-in. If the dream's healing, the step is scheduling the appointment. Now, if the dream is community, the step is showing up one time. Small steps, that's what I'm talking about. Small steps don't mean small dreams. Okay, on the contrary, check this out, and you need to ingrain this in your brain. Small steps, they mean you're building something that can actually last. Who don't want that? So before we go any further, listen, I need to fix the definition of failure as well. Because a lot of you maybe like me are terrified to move because you think failure means I tried and it didn't work. So I'm done. Oh no ma'am. Failure isn't falling off. Let me repeat that again to my sisters out there again who didn't hear me. Failure isn't falling off. Failure is refusing to get back up. Failure isn't having a messy start. Failure isn't being new. Failure isn't needing help. Failure is quitting on yourself. And listen, you are not doing that. Oh no, not this year. So, with that definition, now we can move without fear of running the show. And here's how we do it without pressure, like those tight pair of jeans I was telling you about. We make it an experiment, not a performance. See the little shift in the mind shift there? Mindset. That's what I meant to say. So instead of saying, I have to do it perfectly, you say, sister, I'm gonna try this for 14 days and learn. Notice the difference? Because experiments, well, they don't fail, they actually just give us what? Well, they give us data, they teach you what works in your real life. So I'm even applying this in my own life. So we, you and I, are not promising perfection. Okay, we're gonna drop that like a bad habit. On the other hand, we are committing to learning, and that's a whole different kind of brave, my girl. Experience map. Now, here's another move that calms fear down fast. And that's build a plan B. Some of y'all may have done that before. Because fear screams when you feel trapped, right? Oof, gosh, I just even felt that way the day before recording it. It's so funny how this is timely. You see, it panics when it thinks, if I try this and it doesn't work, I'm stuck. Who's been there? Raise your hand. So we need to remove that trap, okay? That trap door that wants us to fall through. And instead, we need to ask ourselves, if it doesn't work, what will I do next? Well, okay, that sounds fair. Okay. Not because you expect to fail, but maybe rather because you refuse to spiral. See, a plan B doesn't mean you lack faith. It just means you're steady. It means you're not putting your piece on the line for one outcome. And sometimes, girls, listen, your plan B is simple. And it's like, if I don't get this job, I'm applying for three more. If the schedule doesn't work, well, I'm adjusting it. If I fall off, I'm starting again on Monday. No guilt spiral. If I can't do an hour, well, I'm going to do 10 minutes. Again, because we're not doing all or nothing this year. We are doing and keep going. You remember it's a happy due year. So here's the last shift, and this one is huge. So listen closely. I want you to choose courage over confidence. Now that might seem a little contrary to you. Some of you are waiting to feel ready. You're waiting for confidence to show up and tap you on the shoulder, like, okay, girl, now you can go. Now let me save you some time. Because confidence usually comes after you move. So you don't wait for confidence, you build it. Huh, what an idea. I know it's like I thought it myself. You see, you don't need confidence to start. On the contrary, what you need is courage to move. And courage can look like a tiny, unglamorous step that nobody claps for, but it counts because it's movement. All right now. So we're going to pull this all together with a tight, nice little bow into something that you can actually live out. Who's ready? And I call it your experience map. And you can do this while you're driving, folding laundry, making dinner. You can do it in your real life. So here we go. Listen, step one. Hope you get your pen and paper ready. Ready? Pick your one-word experience for the year. Whether it's peace, joy, boldness, stability, healing, freedom, focus, rest, or confidence. Okay, you got it. Once you have it, go on to step two. And here's where we're gonna paint a picture of that. Okay. And so it might sound like this. Ooh, if I had more peace, my mornings would look like, and you fill in the blank. What would I stop doing? What would I start doing? What would I protect? Or what boundary would I set? Those are some good questions to ask. You see a picture coming into focus. So once you've done that, we're gonna go to step three. And you're gonna choose two things, okay? Two things, one weekly rhythm and one brave step, okay? So here's what I mean by that. A weekly rhythm. Okay, so what do I mean by that? That is something that you repeat, okay? Whether that's 15 minutes of planning on Sundays, one budget check-in a week, one walk, one counseling appointment scheduled, one hour of learning toward that goal, one community touch point, whether that's a text, a group, a church, or whatever that is, it's one thing. And listen, a brave step, brave, bra brave, listen to me. A brave step is something you start, you apply it, you ask, you post, you register, you meet, you start, you schedule, you submit, you get the point. And I'm going to say it very plainly. As if I don't say everything plainly. Okay. So your next step, listen, it doesn't need to be loud, it needs to just be real. So here's your assignment in the next 24 hours. Ladies, I want you to take just one, just one brave step. One small but true. And if you want accountability, text me your one word in the sherry where it says text sherry feature in the podcast subscription. That's where you can do it. And it'll come right to my inbox. And I promise you, I will pray over it with you. And I'll remind you, just include your name so I can do your name and pray over your request. And I'm gonna remind you that fear can ride in the back seat this year. Oh, because listen, it does not get the steering wheel. Oh no. Because as we've covered before, hard seasons, well, they don't cancel direction, and fear of failure isn't your boss. So, ladies, before you go, remember this fear can talk, but it doesn't drive. And don't let fear rewrite what your soul already said. Take your one brave step into the next 24 hours and prove to yourself you are still in motion. And if you need someone to pray with you, we've got your girl, you know that 24-hour prayer line that's at 855-822 pray. And if you're here in the Tampa Bay area and you want a community and support in person, check out our upcoming classes at shepherdsvillage.com forward slash classes. And well, I also have a little favor to ask of you. Please share this episode with a friend who's been letting fear edit her life. Because listen, hard seasons don't cancel direction, and she's not doing this alone. Have a wonderful week, and remember it's a single mom thing, and not the single thing that stops you. Thanks for listening to It's a Single Mom Thing. I hope you enjoyed our time together. If you have more questions on how to have a relationship with Jesus or need prayer, visit us at www.shepardsvillage.com backslash prayer. For more information and resources, check out our show notes.