The Ghosts of Christmas Past: Kicking Holiday Haunts to the Curb

The Ghosts of Christmas Past: Kicking Holiday Haunts to the Curb
It’s A Single Mom Thing with Sherry Chandler

This week on It’s a Single Mom Thing, we’re busting the emotional “Ghosts of Christmas Past” — those holiday haunts that show up uninvited and try to steal your joy. From the ghost of Christmas expectations, to the ghost of relationships past, family drama, loneliness, and the big one… the ghost of “not enough,” this episode is your permission slip to walk into the holiday season FREE.

Single moms, this one will speak to your soul.
 We’ll laugh, we’ll get real, and we’ll straighten our crooked crowns together.
 If you’ve ever felt overwhelmed, under pressure, guilty, lonely, or stretched thin around the holidays — this episode will bring peace, power, and practical encouragement.

You’ll discover:
 ✨ How to silence the emotional ghosts that haunt your holidays
 ✨ How to find peace when expectations feel heavy
 ✨ How to let go of past relationships and old wounds
 ✨ How to protect your joy from family drama
 ✨ How to overcome the lie of “not enough”
 ✨ How to step into Christmas with confidence, clarity, and God’s peace

And remember, Mama — our prayer line (855-822-PRAY) is open every single day, even Christmas Day and New Year’s Day. You never walk alone.

This episode is funny, freeing, healing, and hope-filled — everything a single mom needs to face her future with confidence this Christmas season.

Chapters

• 0:00 Welcome And Setting The Tone
• 0:35 Naming The Holiday Ghosts
• 4:45 The Weight Of Expectations
• 10:52 What Kids Truly Remember
• 13:14 Relationships Past And Lonely Triggers
• 19:17 Block, Delete, Bless, And Release
• 23:09 Family Drama And Boundaries
• 28:52 Protecting Peace Over Obligations

Transcript

SPEAKER_00: 0:00

Welcome to It's a Single Mom Thing, the show for single moms by single moms. This is Sherry, your host, and I am happy you are here today. Remember, it's a single mom thing, and not the single thing that stops you.

SPEAKER_01: 0:15

Well, hello there, mamas, and welcome back to another episode of It's a Single Mom Thing. It's your girl Sherry, and today, we are taking out the emotional trash. So, warning, this episode is going to be a little long, but it is certainly going to be epic. That's right, we're talking about the ghosts of Christmas past. And why this year, honey, listen, you are kicking those holiday haunts straight to the curb, like yesterday's fruitcake. Because if there's one thing we are not, and I repeat, not entertaining this season, it's anything that rattles chains, stirs up old memories, or tries to drag us back to who we used to be. Now listen, a few weeks ago, okay, right before Thanksgiving, if you remember, we talked about peace and the pieces. And girl, I hope you kept your peace close because the holidays, ooh, girl, they love to bring up the pieces you thought you already swept under the rug. You know, the ones you boxed, bagged, tossed, and said, uh, not today, Satan. But today, oh yes, oh today we are done being haunted. We are flipping on the lights, throwing open the blinds, and telling every ghost from Christmas past, sweetie, your season has expired. Now, who invited these ghosts anyways? So let's just roll up our sleeves and get a little honest for a minute, okay? So why is it, have you ever noticed that the minute December hits, all these emotional ghosts start floating around like they got an invite to your Christmas party? I mean, truly, you didn't send them an e-vite, you didn't tag them in a reel, you did not put them on the Christmas card list. And yet, here they come, showing up like they belong. You've got the ghost of Christmas expectations, the one that whispers, do more, be more, buy more. Then you got the ghost of baby daddy drama, who always shows up empty-handed, mm-hmm, but full of opinions. Then you got the ghost of that one Christmas when it all fell apart. You know the one. But wait, there's more. We got the ghost of I should be further by now. That ghost, well, listen, that one needs a hobby. And then finally, we got the ghost of what was I thinking when I dated him. Girl, that one shows up just to laugh. Now listen, some of y'all have more ghosts in December than the haunted mansion. And not one, not one of them pays rent, helps with the kids, or offers emotional support. I know that's right. They just know they just float around your mind, rattling chains and reminding you of things you'd rather forget. But let me tell you a little secret, okay? Ghosts only have power where there is darkness. And baby, this year you are flipping on the lights. Because here's the truth: the enemy loves to use familiar feelings to pull you back into old places. Am I right? He loves to take memory and dress it up like a present. He loves to make you think your past still has a say in your future. Child, please. But girl, your past is a historian because your future is a prophecy. So stop letting yesterday narrate tomorrow. Who am I talking to right now? Come on. You see, you didn't come this far, heal this much, pray this hard, cry these tears, survive these storms, and raise those babies just to be haunted by ghosts who don't even have substance. Amen. So, before we go on any further, take a deep breath. Because listen, today you are not the haunted house. You are the woman who owns the house and you can evict anything that doesn't belong. Someone said bye boo. Now let's meet the first ghost who keeps trying to sneak in wearing Santa's hat and a bad attitude. That ghost is the ghost of Christmas expectations. AKA Instagram Christmas syndrome. So listen, ladies, let's talk about the sneakiest ghost of them all, okay? This one. Whew. This one. Oh, this one shows up early, stays up late, and has way too much to say. This ghost slips into your house like it pays the mortgage and starts whispering things like, uh, your tree should look like it came out of a Hallmark movie. Oh yeah, your gifts over there, girl, they should look like you have Bezos money. Those cookies, they should be gluten-free, dairy free, sugar-free, joy-free. Oh, in your house, mm. It should look like Joanna Gaines sprinkled fairy dust on it, not have dust all over it. Meanwhile, your real Christmas girl, listen, your crew listen to me. Your Christmas girl looks like a tree, leaning left like it exhausted. It's it's exhausted, okay? With pine needles falling off. Lights that only work on the top half. Who am I talking to right now? Ornaments, your kids made out of popsicle sticks and questionable glitter. A budget that's like, well, girl, don't do too much, okay? We can't handle it. And there you are, mama, standing in the middle of it thinking, is this enough? Come to think of it, am I enough? Oh, you know I got something to say about that. Let me speak some truth into your heart, okay? Because listen, let's remember, the very first Christmas was not pretty. You know, Jesus was born in a barn with animals with smells I'm certain we are not emotionally prepared to discuss. Okay? With straw, not ship lap lap, lap lap. Oh my goodness. With chaos and not a cozy candle in sight. And guess what? God still showed up. Am I right? Okay, we know this, right? He didn't wait for Mary to have a Pinterest board. He didn't ask Joseph for a renovation plan. He didn't even require matching pajamas or a color coordinating wrapping paper thing. Oh no, he showed up in the mess. He showed up in the bare minimum. He showed up in the not enough. Ladies, ladies, ladies, if God can bring the savior of the world into a stable, my my, he can certainly bring beauty into your living room just as it is. I'm just saying here, and I'm preaching to the choir. So listen. So let's get one thing straight. Your kids, what do they want for Christmas? What do they really want? Well, they may not say it, but they don't want perfection. They don't need perfect. They won't even remember perfect. This is not the first time you've heard this. I think I say it in just about every podcast episode. But what they do need, they need to remember to feel safe. They need a feeling of being loved, a feeling of being seen, a feel, a feeling, mm-hmm. I got a feeling of being held, feeling like a mama was there. That's what they will remember. Not whether your garland matched your gift wrap. And listen, this one's just for you, okay? So hear my heart here. Because listen, girl, authentic authenticity is in, and we need to wear it like a pair of Lululemon leggings. Perfection, that is so out, that is so old school lunch, but peace, it is priceless. So when the ghost of Christmas expectations tries to whisper, you're not doing enough. You need to look at it straight in the eye and you need to say, Sweetheart, my presence is the present. I'm the gift here. Oh yeah, I said it. So let's move on to the next ghost we need to cast out. The one that loves to slide into your DMs. Oh yes, stir up old feelings and pretend it's still relevant. Oh, we're gonna have some fun here. Listen, this is the ghost of relationships past, okay? So that's aka listen to me. Oh my goodness. AKA, why did I ever date that man? Mm-hmm. Yes, we are going in. Ready? If there is any ghost that loves to pop up around Christmas, it is the ghost of relationship past. Now, I don't know what it is about December, but X is suddenly, well, that gets a little bold. Must be the twinkle lights, I don't know, or the cold weather, I don't know. It's Florida here, it's not very cold. Or the fact they want someone to buy them a gift. But suddenly, oh yeah, suddenly there he is. Sliding into your DMs like it's 2014. Texting, hey stranger, liking pictures he ignored for years. Showing up with that fake holiday nostalgia like he's auditioning for a Hallmark movie, please. Sir, not today, not this season, not this redeemed and rising version of me. Oh no, no, no, no. This ghost shows up whispering. You remember that Christmas when you and I weren't alone? You know, you remember when we had someone to hang lights with, or you remember when you had someone to kiss under the mistletoe? Mistletoe, baby, the one thing we're kissing this year is drama goodbye, okay? Let's just go ahead and call this out. Loneliness is the loudest when your healing is working. Am I right? That ache you feel, that little tug of, well, what if it's not love, okay? I'm just here to break it to you. It is not love, it is not longing, and it is not God, it is a ghost. Oh yeah, it is a memory, a moment, a version of you that doesn't exist anymore. So don't resurrect her. Oh no, girl, have the time, half the time. We're not missing the person we think we are, but what we're missing is the idea of the person, the fantasy of what we thought we could have been. The dream we had before reality slapped us with a cold candy cane. Now you know it's true. I know it's true. So here's the holy truth. If he was meant to be in your life this Christmas, he wouldn't have ghosted you in Christmas past. Oh, somebody needs to hear that, right? And listen, I'm gonna say something bold. Okay, if I haven't said anything bold already, here I'm gonna sling some mud at you. Listen, if your past tries to slide back into your December, like, hey, you've been good. Oh yeah, you say yes, very, because you're gone. Block, delete, bless, and release, whatever brings peace. Because listen, because the absence of a person does not mean the absence of love. Oh, let me say that again. The absence of a person does not mean the absence of love. In fact, sometimes God removes people so you can finally, finally receive the love you actually deserve. The love that listen doesn't manipulate, doesn't drain, doesn't disappear, doesn't compete with your calling, doesn't get jealous of your healing, and certainly doesn't interrupt your peace. Oh yeah, amen. Listen, ladies, anyone can bring you butterflies, but the one and the only right person, what does he bring? He brings you fruit. That's a mic drop. And listen, until that person arrives, Jesus fills the gaps, okay? In fact, he is standing there right now. So listen, don't mistake a lonely moment for a lifetime deceit lifetime decision. And here, my heart, listen, I get it. I get how the feelings could fool you into thinking, well, maybe that ghost has changed. But hear me out. Don't let December trick you into even revisiting a relationship God already released you from. You heard me. And please, please do not let a ghost back in your house. Even if he comes wearing cologne and carrying your favorite snack, he is not the whole snack. Oh no, we're done falling for listen, what I call, and I'm gonna do a podcast on this sometime soon, seasonal men. Oh yes, and what a seasonal men? What do they come with? They come with a lifetime of consequences. So we're gonna take a deep breath. We're gonna straighten that crown just a little bit. There you are. Okay, girl, you're looking good. And we are gonna move on to the next ghost. And this one, oh honey, oh honey, oh honey, he comes with receipts. That is the ghost of family drama, aka don't drink the eggnog. It is spiked with some trauma. So let's go ahead and talk about that ghost for a second, okay? Because if there is one ghost that loves Christmas more than the kids love cocoa, oh girl, it is the ghost of some family drama and trauma. And you know the one, okay? It doesn't knock, it doesn't text first, it doesn't even bring snacks. It just shows up loud, uninvited, and acting like it pays the electric bill. This ghost, this ghost has the nerve to float into your room with unhealed wounds, old arguments, unspoken tension, passive aggressive comments wrapped in some holiday cheer, and side eye that could melt a candy cane. And listen, you can be doing something great all year long. Healing, growing, therapying, setting boundaries, living your blessed life. But one, so where's that dad this year? Or the one you know that says, uh, you know, you should really blah blah blah. Or the one, well, I wouldn't raise my kids that way. We all got that one in our family, right? And then suddenly, what happens? Your peace is tiptoeing out of the back door in a hoodie and slippers, whispering, I'll be back when they leave. Mama, when we normalize something real quick, listen, you do not have to attend every holiday gathering where your peace is the sacrifice or the sacrificial offering. Oh no. Listen, your mental health matters more than anyone else's mashed potatoes. And listen to this even more. Some of y'all have survived more this year than you have in the past decade. I'm talking hurricanes, financial storms, breakdowns, breakthroughs, healing journeys, single mom battles no one even knows about. Sleepless nights, silent strength, tears that built altars God met you at. Am I talking to someone? Are you that's listening right now? Your peace. It's not something you stumbled on to. You fought for that peace. You prayed for that peace. You wept for that peace, you surrendered for that peace. Am I right? So the idea of handing it over to someone who isn't careful with it, mmm, no ma'am, not this year, and certainly not this Christmas. So I need you to repeat after me. Are you ready? Listen. I can love you. Say it with me. I can love you and not sit next to you at Christmas dinner. Or you could say this, I can pray for you and not put myself in the line of fire. Or I can forgive you and still protect my peace. Now, Romans 12 18 says, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone. And sometimes, ladies, as far as it depends on you, that means choosing to stay home with Coco, a Christmas movie, and your kids snuggled up in some PJs instead of walking into an environment where your nervous system is already exhausted before you even take off your coat. So let me tell you something even bolder. God never calls you to a place where you have to abandon yourself to be accepted. Let that sink in for a second because you if you have to shrink, if you walk into an environment where you have to shrink, if you have to choke down respect, or excuse me, not respect, disrespect, if you have to pretend you're okay, if you have to brace yourself before you walk in, that, my friend, is not family. That's emotional warfare wrapped in a holiday bow. Don't unwrap it. You don't have to. Because this year, this year we're doing something different, and we are choosing peace over pressure. We are choosing clarity over chaos, boundaries over breakdowns, and joy over guilt. Listen, here's what you can do. You can send a card, you can send a text, you can send a prayer, but you do not have to send your peace into battle. Nope, we're not doing it this year. We're gonna say be gon boo. So here's what we're gonna do. We're gonna shake off that tension. We're gonna straighten that crown again because it got a little bit tilted with this conversation. And listen, I want you to know you're doing amazing, and you really are. So amazing that you're ready to face the next ghost. And I know, listen, you're like, goodness gracious, how many ghosts are there? There's too many to count. But this one, this one's gonna hit the deepest whispers, the loudest, and shows up when no one is watching. Oh, well, who is this ghost? Well, this is the ghost of not enough. All of it, when the emotional bandwidth, all what do they do? They tap out at the same time. So let's talk about this ghost. Because this ghost, let me tell you, this one doesn't rattle chains, this one rattles your confidence. The ghost of not enough. This one doesn't float into the living room like the other ones, it climbs. Into your thoughts. It whispers when you're wrapping gifts. It nudges when you're checking your bank account. It taps your shoulder when you're trying to plan a Christmas your kids will remember. And let me tell you what, it loves the moments like this when the money feels tight, when the to-do list is long, when your patience is thin, when your energy is gone, when you're doing everything alone, when everyone else looks like they have it all together. Oh, this ghost is sneaky. It doesn't shout, it whispers. You're not doing enough. Well, you're not certainly giving enough. Girl, you are not strong enough. You're not festive enough. You're not providing enough. Guess what? You're not even enough. Uh ladies, but listen, you need to hear my voice, okay? The enemy attacks your identity. Why does he do this? I've i found because he can't touch your destiny. So, this ghost, oh honey, this ghost is a liar. Because here's the truth: nobody tells single moms enough. You're doing more than enough. Because listen, you're giving all of yourself, right? Every ride, every meal, every tear wiped, every bill paid, every prayer whispered, every late night, every early morning, every sacrifice that nobody sees but God. Your kids don't need a mountain of gifts. You know what they need? They need the gift of you. And let's talk about this financially for a second. Because remember, we're gonna go all biblical here. Remember when Jesus fed the 5,000 people with a little boy's lunchable. Ladies, your December budget is in good hands. The God who multiplies loaves can certainly multiply peace, joy, moments, memories, and presence. Your not enough is exactly where God does his best work. So let's take it a little deeper. Do you know why the enemy wants you to feel not enough? Because he knows if he can steal your confidence, he can silence your joy. If he can shake your worth, he can weaken your hope. If he can distract your heart, he can distort your vision. But baby girl, listen, you have never been a not enough woman. Oh no, you are a God is more than enough through me, woman. Your kids don't need a Pinterest Christmas, they need a peaceful mama, a present mama, a joyful mama. Listen, the pressure to be everything for everyone, that's not from God, that's from the ghost. You see, because God says my grace is sufficient for you, and he says that in 2 Corinthians 12, 9. Translation in my words, when you don't feel like enough, I am. So when that ghost shows up whispering, you don't have enough, you're not enough, you tell it, sweetie pie, I don't need to be enough because my God already is. Okay, right. So listen, what we need to do is we need to shake our shoulders because we just exposed one of the biggest ghosts out there, the ghost of not enough. And now I need to know, you need to know who's having some fun now being a Ghostbuster. Listen, because girl, you are out there slaying these emotional haunts like it's your full-time holiday hobby. And I hope you're having some fun with it. And since you're already on a roll and I'm on a roll, well, let's go ahead and kick some things up a notch. I know we're gonna do it. Because the next part, oh honey, this is where the breakthroughs happen. This is where we stop identifying the ghosts and we start evicting them. Welcome to kicking the ghosts out for good, and here's where we're gonna close. So, listen, this is where we close not with fear, not with pressure, not with overwhelm. But I want us to close with authority, clarity, and the peace that knows its worth. Because let's be honest, identifying the ghost, well, it's cute, talking about the ghost, well, it's therapeutic, laughing at the ghost, so now that's some healing. But at some point, girl, you, me, well, we gotta grab our spiritual broom and sweep them out the door. We're not decorating around them, we're not negotiating with them, and we are not asking them politely to leave. Oh no. We are not giving them one more December. No, ma'am, not this year. Uh-uh. Not this healed version of me, of you. I want you to imagine this with me, okay? You walk to the front door of your mind, the same door your past used to stroll through like it was on lease. And then listen, I want you to open it wide so that every ghost that you face today, expectation, loneliness, relationships past, family drama, not enough, they're all standing there on the porch. They're looking a little nervous and a little dusty. And you girl, with your mama strength, with your hard won healing, with your peace, your faith, and your cute holiday sweater, mm-hmm. I see you. You point at them and I want you to declare, Ba Felicia. And then say it again. Say it from your heel place, say it from your confident place, say it from the place that knows who she is. Ba Felicia. Okay? We are not recycling old emotions this season. Oh no, we are not listening, we are not reopening old wounds, we are not entertaining old lies, and we are certainly not replaying old memories like emotional reruns. Not doing it. This crime is this Christmas, the only thing haunting your house will be the Holy Ghost. Because here's some more truth. You get to carry out of this episode. Your past no longer has permission to narrate your present. Your peace is not optional, it's ordained, and your joy is not fragile, it's fortified. Your worth is not seasonal, it's eternal, and your healing, oh girl, it is holy. God didn't bring you this far to have you scared of shadows. He brought you this far so you could walk into this season free, free from guilt, free from expectations, free from loneliness, free from old versions of yourself, and free from ghosts. Ladies, if there's one thing I hope you've learned this year and in this episode, you have a new story now, a new mindset, a new strength, a new confidence, and a new Christmas. So listen, this is what we need to do. We need to straighten that crooked crown. We need to pour that cocoa, turn on that Christmas movie, laugh louder than you cried this year. Oh yes. And we need to walk into this holiday season with a little peace that we fought for. Because these ghosts, oh no, these ghosts are gone. They are evicted, removed, denied access, blacklisted from your December. Right? Say it with me now. Bye-bye. You ladies are the Ghostbuster of your own homes and the spirit of God, ooh, he is the only one staying for this Christmas. So, before we close, I know we've had some fun. I hope you've had some fun as much as I did recording this, but I want you to remember this, and I need to remember this. Listen, you are never, never, never, never, never walking through any season alone. Not in the chaos, not in the silence, not even on Christmas Day, not on New Year's Day. Why? Because we have a prayer line that is open every single day. Yes, even on the holidays. Especially on the holidays. So listen, hear me out. If you need someone to pray with you, stand with you, lift you up, or just remind you that God is still moving, well, you need to call 855-822-Pray. Anytime, any day, every day. Because listen, your village is here, your support is here, your prayer covering is here. So listen, ladies, go bust those ghosts. Guard your peace and give yourself some grace. Because listen, at the end of the day, it's not the ghosts that define you. Oh no, it's that bold, beautiful truth that you already know deep down inside. It's a single mom thing. And it's not the single thing that's gonna stop you.

SPEAKER_00: 29:27

Thanks for listening to It's a Single Mom Thing. I hope you enjoyed our time together. If you have more questions on how to have a relationship with Jesus or need prayer, visit us at www.shepherdsvillage.com backslash prayer. For more information and resources, check out our show notes.