A Broken Heart Doesn’t Have to Be a Closed Heart

Have you ever felt like when your heart breaks, the only safe thing to do is shut down? In this episode of It’s a Single Mom Thing, Sherry gets real about the instinct to close off when life hurts—and why God is asking us to open wider instead.

Sherry shares her own struggles and fresh lessons from God, reminding us that even mustard-seed trust counts, and that vulnerability can actually break strongholds and push the enemy back. She unpacks:

• Why we tend to shut down when our hearts break (and the generational patterns behind it)
• What it practically looks like to “open wider” in everyday single mom life
• How even tiny faith can shift your perspective and move mountains
• Why your kids, your family, and even your co-parent need you to live this message
• A weekly challenge to pause, breathe into God, and take one step forward instead of shutting down

Whether you’re a single mom walking through heartbreak, someone on the fence about Jesus, or just feeling weary, this episode is your reminder: a broken heart doesn’t have to be a closed heart.

📞 Need prayer? Call our 24-hour prayer line at 855-822-PRAY.

✨ Sponsored in part by the Sorensen family and Grounds for Grace.

Chapters

• 0:00 Welcome Back + Why the Pause
• 0:38 Naming the Hurt and Our Instinct to Shut Down
• 2:41 Six Reasons We Close Our Hearts
• 4:06 You Can’t Selectively Numb Pain
• 5:01 Forgiveness, Generational Patterns, and Legacy
• 5:46 God’s Call: Open Wider, Not Tighter
• 7:25 Scripture Promises for the Brokenhearted
• 9:04 Who Wins When We Shut Down?
• 11:03 Risking Openness: Practical Ways to Trust
• 13:15 Mustard-Seed Trust and Daily Steps
• 15:09 Pause for the Cause: Breathe, Then Step
• 18:23 Summary, Prayer Line, and Closing Truths

Transcript

SPEAKER_00: 0:00

Welcome to It's a Single Mom Thing. The show for Single Moms by Single Moms. This is Sherry, your host, and I am happy you are here today. Remember, it's a single mom thing, and not the single thing that stops you.

SPEAKER_01: 0:15

Hey ladies, it's your girl Sherry, and yeah, I know it's been a hot minute since you heard me on It's a Single Mom Thing. Now listen, I didn't ghost you, I promise. Life, let's just say, pulled me into one of those unplanned pauses. You know, the kind where you don't raise your hand and say, sure, God, break me open. But he does it anyways. And here's the thing. He's been working on me through a broken heart. Now, don't get me wrong, I didn't sign up for that class, but apparently I got enrolled. And I don't know, maybe you listening have been there too. Maybe your broken heart looks like a relationship gone sideways. Bills that don't care about your budget. Long stents of loneliness, family who forget you, or kids who are giving you more eye rolls than they are hugs. What I've been learning though through all of this is when God allows our heart to break, He isn't handing out permission slips to build bigger walls. Oh no, he's actually asking us to do the opposite, to open wider. And let me tell you this, that is not my natural instinct, and I'm guessing it is not yours either. My natural instinct is to slap a closed for repair sign on my heart and call it a day, a month, or even a whole year. But God, oh no, he's not in the business of shutting down. He's in the business of breaking us open so there's more room for his love, his healing, and even his purpose. And today that's exactly what we're gonna talk about. How a broken heart doesn't have to be a closed heart. The tendency to shut down. You know what our natural instinct is when our heart breaks? You know it. Shut it down, lock it up tighter than Fort Knox. For me, it looks like pulling back, building walls, saying, nope, nobody's getting in here again. Maybe for you it looks like stuffing your feelings down with ice cream. Netflix binges are just staying busy enough so you don't have to feel it. Been there, done that, got the tear-stained t-shirt. And if I am being real honest with you, I know exactly why I do that. And it is one of these six things. Number one, because I've been hurt really bad. And not just by strangers or people passing through my life, but by the ones closest to me. And if I'm honest, sometimes even by me. I don't trust myself not to mess up again. Or two, because I compare my life to others. And when I look around at what everyone else seems to have, it makes my broken places sting even more. Or three, because I don't want to suffer. I think if I just power up and become self-sufficient, I can dodge the pain. Spoiler alert, it doesn't work. Four, it makes me feel weak and vulnerable. And who likes that? Not me. Vulnerability feels like walking around without your armor on. Or number five, because of it was what I was taught. You see, this is generational. I come from a long line of strong women who learn to put their emotions on lock. And while strength is beautiful, silence and shut down hearts, they don't heal. Or number six, and it's because change is hard, it's unexpected, uncertain, and it feels like the ground gets pulled out from under you. Sometimes it just feels easier, in my opinion, to hunker down than to open up. But here's the problem with that, ladies. When we close our hearts to pain, we also close them to healing. And trust me, I've learned the hard way. You can't selectively shut down. I wish we could, though. You can't close the door on hurt without also closing the door on hope. What starts as self-protection ends up looking a whole lot like self-destruction. And when it's just you and you, you don't want to hurt you. I mean, listen, as single moms, we've already been through enough. We don't need to pile on more pain by shutting ourselves down from the very healing God is trying to give us. Now listen, this isn't about shame either, okay? This isn't about blaming yourself or anybody else for that matter. Some of the people who hurt us, my guess is that they knew not what they did. Just like Jesus said on the cross. And maybe the step forward isn't holding on to the hurt, but forgiving them and freeing yourself. So listen, let me ask you something. Do you recognize yourself in any of these patterns, my patterns? Have you been building walls, comparing your life, holding yourself back, or maybe even maybe carrying the weight of generations before you? Or maybe you've spotted some other ways you shut down that I didn't name. And here's another question. Because listen, and this one's gonna sting a little. Is this a torch that you want to pass on to your kids? Because if you're like me, that's exactly how it got passed to you. And maybe, just maybe, we can be the ones that break that pattern. God asks, open wider. Here's the part that doesn't make sense to my human brain. When God allows my heart to break, he doesn't tell me to close it tighter. No, actually he says, daughter, open it wider. Say what? Now listen, I don't know about you, but that feels a little backwards. I'm like, Lord, I just got crackjacked in two, and you want me to stretch this thing even bigger? Have you seen my track record? But here's what he keeps showing me, and maybe he has shown this to you. When we shut down, we also shut him out. And when we open up, even in our most broken moments, that's when he and his love floods in. The Bible says in Psalms 34, 18, and I quote, the Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit. Ladies, that means he's not afraid of your mess, your tears, or your heartbreak. He actually draws closer in those moments and not further away. And in Ezekiel 36, 26, God promises, and I quote this, I will give you a new heart and put a new spirit in you. I will remove from your heart of stone and give you a heart of flesh. You know what that means? He's in the renovation business. He doesn't just patch up cracks with duct tape, he gives you a whole new heart that beats softer, wider, stronger, and yes, even fuller. And then there's this. When we are weak, he is strong. That is 2 Corinthians 12 10. And I'll be honest, from my own experience, when I am weaker than I care to be, that's exactly when God seems to use me the most. Something strange happens. Listen, like out of my own vulnerability, he somehow frees me up to help other people find theirs too. And in that exchange, then he goes one step further, and strongholds get broken. The enemy gets pushed back and freedom starts to flow. Not just for me though, but for others. So here's the deal. Every time your heart wants to shut down, ladies, that's your cue, my cue, to let God open it up. To let him stretch you so that his love, his healing, and his purpose has more room to move in you. And who doesn't want some of that? Especially when we're hurting. And let me just say, when God says in Isaiah that his ways are higher than our ways, he is not kidding. Because if it were up to me, I'd close my heart and call it protection. But his ways say, open it wide, daughter. And when Proverbs tells us, don't lean on your own understanding, whoo, he is on point. Because my understanding says shutting down will keep you safe, girl. But his understanding says opening up is what will set you free. Now, in my opinion, that's why he doesn't just let our hearts break to hurt us. No, he lets them break to expand us. Why God might want this. Okay, so let's just pause here and ask the bigger question. Why would God even want us to open wider when our hearts are breaking? Because honestly, wouldn't it just be easier if he just let us wall up, stay safe, and keep on moving? Well, here's why. I'm guessing. Because if every one of us shuts down, what would the world look like? It would look like a bunch of closed-off, self-protecting image bearers walking around with a pad locked on their hearts. And if we shut one another out and ultimately shut him out, then who wins? Uh, not us. The enemy does. You see, we were made in his image. And when image bearers stop bearing his image, stop showing his love, stop showing his grace, stop showing his forgiveness, we also stop reflecting him into a world that desperately, desperately needs him. That's exactly what the enemy wants. Closed hearts, shut down people, and a darkened world with no light shining through the cracks. Now, maybe you're listening today and you're not even sure about this whole Jesus thing. Maybe, like me, you have been hurt by some church people. Or maybe you just never really have known what to do with him. Can I just tell you something? This message is still for you. Because whether you've realized it or not, you too, all of us, were created in God's image. His fingerprints are all over you, girl. And the very reason your heart feels the weight of pain, loneliness, or longing is because deep down inside, you were designed for more for him. And if you're on the fence listening, here is my simple invitation. Don't shut him out. Lean in. Even if all you can say is, okay, God, if you're real, show me. Now, listen, I know that prayer works because that's exactly what I once prayed. And let me tell you what he did. He was Johnny on the spot, Jesus on the spot, and he showed me, and he'll do the same for you, like he did for me on Mother's Day. And let me just make this personal for a second. Because listen, we're gonna go a little deeper dive here. You may or may not notice this, but I'm actually sick with a sore throat as I'm writing and recording this. And I actually had the thought this morning, maybe, maybe I should just wait, maybe I shouldn't share today because my head is killing me. But then I had to ask myself, well, who would benefit if I didn't? Certainly not you. The women who need this word, and definitely not the kingdom of God, the only one who would win if I shut down is the enemy. And I'm not about to hand him that victory. Oh no. But let's take it one step further. What about you? If you don't live out this message, if you don't open wider, if you don't share your story or healing, your story of healing with someone else, then who wins? Because here's the whole truth. It's not just about you. Uh I know that's a slap in the face because it was for me. It's about your kids who are watching how you respond to her. Do they see a mom who locks down or a mom who lets God's love flow through the cracks? It's about your family. Mm-hmm, the one that forgot you, the one who's close enough to be impacted by your walls or your openness. And yes, even the other co-parent. Because believe it or not, how you choose to live this out could be the very thing that shows them Jesus more than your words ever could. So ask yourself if you shut down, who really wins? And if you open up, who might just find freedom because of it? What opening wider looks like. So what does it actually look like to open wider when everything in you wants to shut down? Because listen, I get it. Because it sounds nice in theory, but let's be real, it is not easy. For me, opening wider looks like being brutally honest with God in prayer, not polished. I have had these words with him, uh, not the polished ones of I'm fine, thank you, Lord, kind of prayers. No, I'm talking the ugly cries, the groans, the ones where I say, Lord, I don't get it, and I'm hurting, and I feel alone, and I am upset. I am not happy where I am at right now. That's opening wider. Letting him see the raw stuff instead of hiding it behind churchy words. Because I got a spoiler alert, he already knows. He's just waiting for you to let him in. Opening wider also looks like letting one trusted person into your pain instead of isolating. Maybe that's a friend, maybe it's your pastor, maybe it's your single mom tribe. I know it feels risky, but God often uses people as part of his healing process. Maybe opening wider looks like, I don't know, taking one baby step of trust when everything in you wants to take 10 steps back. Maybe that's forgiving someone who doesn't deserve it. Maybe it's saying yes to counseling, maybe it's not canceling plans when you'd rather crawl under the covers. And here's something that he showed me just this week. I promise you. Sometimes the pain is so deep, or the unanswered prayer has camped out for so long that you start to wonder if you even trust him anymore. But here's what he whispered to me. I promise you, this while I was driving. Sometimes all you have left is trust the size of a mustard seed. And guess what? That's still trust. I know I was shocked. You see, we get caught in this trap that says our trust has to be big, loud, and perfect. But Jesus said, faith the size of a mustard seed can move mountains. That means your shaky whispered mustard seed trust, it still counts. He doesn't measure the volume of a trust, he honors the presence of it. And I needed to know that. And that's why I am also sharing it with you. Because listen, sometimes opening wider looks like this loving when it hurts. Letting more people in when you'd rather shut them out, forgiving what you can't forget, taking a step forward when you really just want to sit this one out. Opening wider isn't glamorous, it's not easy, it is certainly not the popular thing to do. But girls, it is the most powerful because every time you do, listen, I am learning and living this out too. You are making space for God's love, his healing, and his freedom to move in your life. So here is a wise counseling session, which I'm calling Pause for the Cause. Okay, so let's get real practical here before we leave, okay? I want you to think of this like a little counseling session with your girl Sherry. Got getting your comfy clothes and getting that couch and let's chat this out, okay? So here's your challenge for the week. And this is also for me. Ask yourself, what areas of my life are breaking my heart right now? I'm sure there is something. Maybe you know it and maybe you don't. Maybe it's your finances, maybe it's a relationship, maybe it's loneliness that just won't quit. You see, because I'm gonna be honest with you, here's what I'm learning through all of this. When your heart is breaking, the first thing to do is to take a breath and then take a step. But you can't step until you breathe. Now, that for me is hard because I am a fixer. I am a girl that's gonna slay the day and I am going to make things happen. But listen, before even that, you've got to pause for the cause. Because you see, we live in a world, and you know this, that is constantly screaming, go, go, go, go, hustler hardener, move faster, fix it now. But all that distraction robs you, robs me of the very power that you need to make it through. And as single moms, we need to make it through a day. When you don't pause, you get frantic. Am I right? You react instead of proact. But when you stop, even for 30 seconds, 30 seconds, that's it. Just to breathe, to pray, to say, God, I need you right now, right here. That pause shifts your perspective and it gives you power that was taken from you. And I'm going to go ahead and challenge you on this one. Okay, so this may seem also a little counterintuitive, especially to some of the things in some other podcasts I share, but I'm gonna challenge you on this because let me tell you, because we're talking about this, my promises is this is gonna come back and hit you this week. I just know it. So listen, don't pick up the phone to call a friend right away. Don't do it, girl. Don't move on to the next thing. Don't go clean your house, don't rush to the gym, cook dinner, and for heaven's sake, shut the technology off. Please. Just stop, breathe, and breathe into him because he is right there with you. The problem is we don't even see him and we forget. So here's my challenge to all of us this week. When your heart feels like it's breaking, don't shut down. Don't speed up. Just stop. Take a breath, pivot your perspective, then take one small step forward. Even if it feels shaky. That one pause, ladies, that one breath, it can change everything. A broken heart doesn't have to be a closed heart. All right, ladies, let's pull this all together. So today we've talked about how when your heart breaks, the natural instinct is to shut it down. Am I right? But we also talked about how God is inviting you to open it wider. We walk through the reasons we tend to close up, what it actually looks like to open wider and why it matters not just for us, but for our kids, our families, our co-parents, and the world around us. And we, we even put out the challenge this week to pause for the cause, to take a breath, to breathe into him, and let him pivot your perspective before you take that next step. Now, if you're listening today and you're on the fence about Jesus, I want you to know that you don't have to figure this out alone. We've got a 24-hour prayer line at 855-822-Pray. Call it. Let someone stand with you, pray for you, and remind you that you are not alone. And before we go, I want to pause and thank some of our amazing partners who helped make this ministry possible. And that's our additional Gala sponsors, the Swords and Family and Crowns for Christ. We certainly couldn't do this without you, and we so appreciate your continued village of support. So, ladies, here's the truth I want you to carry into this week. Yes, your heart may be broken. Yes, it hurts! But a broken heart doesn't have to be a closed heart. Let God open it wider, girl. Have a wonderful week and remember it's a single mom thing, and not the single thing that stops you.

SPEAKER_00: 22:07

Thanks for listening to It's a Single Mom Thing. I hope you enjoyed our time together. If you have more questions on how to have a relationship with Jesus or prayer, visit us at www.shepardsvillage.com backslash prayer. For more information and resources, check out our show notes.