.png)
It's A Single Mom Thing
Welcome to “It's A Single Mom Thing,” the show for single moms by single moms, hosted by Sherry Chandler.
Being a solo momma and present parent is hard work, and losing focus is easy when you forget your faith. The good news is you are not alone. You were singled out this season, and together, we can work on what’s not working for you—finding Christ in the crisis! Whether you’re tuning in early in the morning or late at night, I’m here for you, momma.
This podcast is your go-to space for navigating life as a single mom with faith, fun, and a fresh perspective. We'll cover everything from mastering a single-mom success mindset and budgeting like a boss to prioritizing self-care and raising resilient kids. We’ll share time management hacks, parenting perspectives, co-parenting challenges, and how to find joy and laugh again. Together, we’ll move from surviving to thriving in every season of single motherhood.
Be encouraged. Get inspired. You can do this, momma.
Each Monday, join me for practical advice, relatable stories, and uplifting conversations as we walk this journey from solo momma to solo momma. I promise not to take too much of your time, and I’m so grateful you’re spending it with me.
It may be a single mom thing, but it doesn’t have to be the "single thing" that stops you!
It's A Single Mom Thing
Advocate vs. Aggravate: The Daily Choice That Shapes Your Life
Mama, it’s time for some real talk—are you building yourself up or tossing shade at your own future without even realizing it? Every word you speak, every choice you make, and every person you let close can either lift you toward your goals or keep you stuck in the struggle.
In this episode of It’s A Single Mom Thing, we dive into how to stop aggravating yourself and start advocating for your healing, your kids, your finances, and your faith. From co-parenting struggles to daily habits, dating choices, and spiritual growth, you’ll learn how to make intentional moves that set your family and your future up for success.
💡 You’ll discover how to:
- Recognize when you’re advocating vs. aggravating in your daily life
- Take small, practical steps toward healing and growth
- Model strength, resilience, and faith for your kids
- Make big boss moves in your finances, parenting, and personal life
It’s time to stop the self-sabotage and start thriving, mama. One question can change everything: Are you advocating or aggravating?
🎧 Listen now on [Spotify/Apple/your platform link] and start taking your next boss move!
#ItsASingleMomThing #SingleMomLife #FaithAndParenting #MomPodcast #AdvocateVsAggravate #BounceBackBetter #BossMoves #SelfCareForMoms
It's a Single Mom Thing, Not the Single Thing That Stops You!
Welcome to it's a Single Mom Thing, the show for single moms by single moms. This is Sherri, your host, and I am happy you are here today. Remember it's a single mom thing and not the single thing that stops you. So let me ask you something real Are you your own biggest supporter or your own biggest saboteur? Every day, in the choices you make, the words you speak, the people you allow close, you are either advocating for your future or you are aggravating your present. Think about it. Are you investing in your healing or are you reopening the wound? Are you setting your kids up for peace or are you keeping them stuck in drama with their wound? Are you setting your kids up for peace or are you keeping them stuck in drama with their dad? Are you building financial freedom or are you buying another temporary fix that leaves you broke and frustrated? And well, let's be real, when it comes to dating, are you choosing someone who adds value to your life? When it comes to dating, are you choosing someone who adds value to your life or are you repeating an old pattern that keeps you stuck in heartbreak? Advocate or aggravate those are your two options, and the truth is you get to decide which one will shape your story. Welcome back to another episode of it's Single Mom Thing. So now that we have set the stage, let's break this thing down, because it's one thing to hear the words advocate or aggravate, but it is another thing to recognize where it's actually showing up in your daily life. So let's start with the first place that matters most, and that's your healing. Healing, advocating for your wholeness. You see, healing isn't optional, it's foundational. But here's the truth. Some of us are walking around with open wounds while telling ourselves I'm fine and listen. Every time we avoid the work of healing, we're not just standing still, we're aggravating the pain. So what does it mean to advocate for your healing? Well, this is what I'm talking about, girl. It looks like giving yourself permission to rest. I did say that rest. So it means finding safe spaces to talk instead of bottling it up. It's leaning on prayer, therapy, journaling or even your community. Whatever girl helps you walk towards wholeness. But now aggravating. Let's talk about that. Aggravating your healing. Well, this is what that is. That happens when you keep picking at the scar, when you replay the hurt over and over and over like a broken record, or you even let bitterness, comparison or shame sit in your heart. It's like pouring salt in your own wound. Think of it like a brand new pair of shoes. You love how they look. Ooh, they're so cute, they feel great at first, but then that blister starts rubbing. You know what that feels like, and instead of stopping no, you wouldn't do that. Instead of changing your shoes, didn't do that. Instead of tending to the wound, you just kept on walking. And, girl, you know, the longer you go, the worse it gets. That's what happens when we aggravate our own healing. We keep pushing, pretending, ignoring the pain and it only grows, but advocating for your healing. Well, this is what I'm talking about. I'm talking about Sometimes it looks like being vulnerable, being okay with not being okay.
Speaker 1:So recently I had a friend of mine talk to me about a miscarriage of 12 weeks that she just had. She is only two weeks out away from her loss, but what she's learning is so powerful and applicable to all of us she's learning to be okay with not being okay. She told me that when she's in public and emotions rise, she doesn't stuff them down anymore, she doesn't fake it or try to hold it all together. Instead, she has learned to stop pretending to understand why this happened. Instead, she's learning to just be real. That's a whole story in itself, but it gets better With her relationship with God. She's learning the same thing, being okay with not understanding. She doesn't have the answers, but she knows this he's still a good father. He's still faithful and still able to use everything for his glory.
Speaker 1:That's what advocating looks like. It's choosing honesty over performance. It's tending to the wound instead of ignoring the blister. It's giving yourself permission to feel, to grieve, to ask God the hard questions, while still trusting that he's working it out for your good. So ask yourself this am I speaking life over my healing or am I keeping myself stuck in the same story? Because here's the thing when you advocate for your healing, you're not just investing in you, you're setting the stage for your kids, your future and every area of your life to flourish.
Speaker 1:Co-parenting and drama, advocating for peace. Okay, so let's lighten the load here. So let's just say that co-parenting can sometimes feel like a full-time job with no paid vacation and, if we're honest, there are days when you'd rather eat cold french fries off your kid's plate than have another awkward conversation with their dad For reals. So here's the thing. Aggravating looks like picking up every battle, keeping score or letting his decisions dictate your peace. It's firing off that text message in all caps because he forgot to pick up your kids again. It's replaying the fight in your head all night instead of sleeping. That's aggravating and trust me, girl, we have all been there. But here's the reminder he has feelings too. I know sometimes you tend to wonder if he does, but listen, he is part of the wholeness and healing of your family, even if sometimes feels like he put a hole in it.
Speaker 1:Advocating doesn't mean pretending everything is perfect. No, on the contrary, it means holding space for the humanity on both sides. And here's the sassy truth Sometimes the best clap back is no clap back. Sometimes advocating means handing the whole situation to Jesus Because, listen, he fights battles better than we do anyways. So let's flip to a little Exodus 14, 14 here. That says the Lord will fight for you. You need only to be still, and sometimes mama. That looks like saying I'm going to try to let Jesus win here.
Speaker 1:Remember what you put down in front of your kids your anger, your frustration, your peace. They're picking it up. So make sure it's what you want them to carry Because, trust me, they will carry it. They're watching you when you sigh dramatically every time their dad forgets pickup, when you roll your eyes at the text you just got, or when you mutter under your breath about how adults should act like adults. They're also watching when you let a little drama steal your joy, when you replay fights like a Netflix series in your head, or when you stomp around the house slamming doors. That's the baggage they pick up. But on the flip side, when you model peace, taking a deep breath Instead of sending that all caps text, saying a quiet prayer before responding, letting God handle the fight, that is what they'll carry too. They notice when you choose calm over chaos, laughter over frustration and Jesus over judgment.
Speaker 1:So, ladies, let's be intentional. Be sassy if you must. Oh yes, please do Laugh when you can. Oh yes, please do Laugh when you can, but make sure the stuff your kids carry is worth caring, finances and future goals, advocating for your future. So listen, ladies, let's talk money, goals and building the life you deserve, because here's the truth.
Speaker 1:Aggravating doesn't just show up in feelings or co-parenting drama. It also shows up in our finances and plans too. Aggravating looks like buying what you don't need, spending out of stress or letting fear dictate your decisions. It's ignoring that savings account, putting off budgeting or thinking, yeah, I'll start that tomorrow and then tomorrow never comes. That's aggravating. That's setting yourself up for unnecessary stress and chaos. Been there, done that way too many times.
Speaker 1:So then what does advocating look like? Well, advocating that's choosing your future over your impulses. That's saying I see the life I want for me and my kids and I'm going to make choices to get there. It's creating a plan, sticking to a budget, setting small goals, investing in your skills or career and even praying over your financial decisions. So let's make it real, okay. One maybe it's passing on that cute outfit on sale because you know putting that money into your savings account will bring more peace than instant gratification. Two, maybe it's saying no to the extra shift at work that would leave you exhausted, so you can spend quality time with your kids and work on your personal goals. Or three maybe it's signing up for that online course to advance your career, even if it feels uncomfortable, even if it feels expensive or like you don't have time. Three or four I forget what number I'm on Maybe it's praying and journaling before making a big financial decision, instead of buying something out of fear, stress or even comparison.
Speaker 1:Maybe it's having the hard conversation with a family or a friend about boundaries that protect your peace and your priorities. And maybe, just maybe, it's creating I don't know a weekly financial plan telling your money where to go, instead of letting it tell you where it went. Snap, okay, but if that wasn't sassy enough, let's take it up a notch, because listen, advocating isn't just big moves, it is the little choices too, like skipping that Frappuccino you really don't need because your savings account says thanks, mama. Avoiding retail therapy when stress hits, even though that cute top ooh, it's whispering your name by me. Turning off social media envy instead of comparing your life to someone else's highlight reel. Packing lunch instead of ordering takeout, because small savings add up and your kids are learning budgeting too. Or saying no to a last minute fun plan that would wreck your carefully laid schedule. These, yes, they may seem small, but, ladies, they are total power moves.
Speaker 1:Each choice is a way of telling your future self I've got your back, girl. Each one is modeling intentionality and resilience for your kids. At the same time and if you haven't listened to last week's episode Backpacks, breakdowns and Boss Moves, girl, you need to stop this and go back there first, because it is packed full of strategies that we talked about, like prioritizing, breaking goals into manageable steps and building your support system, which are incredibly helpful here too. Remember how we flipped chaos into competence, with small, powerful shifts. The same applies to your finances and goals Small, intentional moves, like planning weekly expenses, teaching kids to carry their share or reflecting on wins and next steps.
Speaker 1:It adds to freedom, stability and peace. Yes, that simple, posted on your fridge weekly meal planner. That is all advocating for your free and flourishing future. So here's a little reflection time. Ask yourself in this situation, am I making a choice that sets my future self up for success, or am I reaching out of impulse or pressure? Am I modeling intentionality for my kids or am I leaving them to figure it all out on their own? You see, advocating isn't about perfection at all. We've said that before. It's about small, consistent steps. Remember I like to say baby steps. Make big dreams that compound into a life of freedom, stability and peace for you and your family.
Speaker 1:Faith, purpose and daily walking with God, advocating spiritually Now, mamas, we've talked about healing, co-parenting and finances, but here's the foundation that ties it all together your faith and daily walk with God. Advocating for yourself spiritually is the most important thing, even more than advocating in the other areas of your life. Aggravating spiritually well, it looks like trying to do it all on your own, rushing through prayer, skipping time in God's word or pretending you've got it all together when really you don't. You're just a hot mess. It's forcing yourself to perform, comparing your walk to someone else's, or even holding resentment instead of releasing it. It's letting your morning slip away, scrolling, scrolling, scrolling or worrying instead of starting with God, which listen ladies often sets the tone for a very aggravating day spent on things that don't matter. Very aggravating day spent on things that don't matter. But advocating spiritually, on the other hand, well, it's being honest with God and yourself. It's showing up even when you're tired, frustrated or even confused. It's saying Lord, I don't understand, but I trust you. It's giving him your hurts, your questions and even your dreams and letting him lead the way.
Speaker 1:Sometimes I have found that advocating spiritually looks like getting up early and getting good with God before the chaos starts. That quiet time with him before the rest of the world wakes up, praying, reading his word, journaling it all builds your armor for the day ahead. It's asking God for the strength to do something differently than you did before, like enjoying being single and getting to know yourself, without rushing into dating, choosing leftovers over unnecessary spending, skipping that new outfit you don't need, or responding with patience instead of frustration. Those intentional choices, albeit they may seem small, compound into peace, clarity and even purpose. So think about it like this your purpose, your peace and your resilience are nurtured every day in small, consistent moments of faith. Maybe it's, I don't know. Maybe it's like this praying in the car before school drop off, or reading a verse while making dinner, or asking God for wisdom before a difficult conversation. Maybe, just maybe, it's sharing a real raw moment with your kids about trusting God even when life feels very messy.
Speaker 1:Ladies, your daily walk with God. It is also a model for your children. They're learning how to lean on him by watching you do it Through your prayers whispered in the quiet, songs sung in chaos and trust placed in the midst of uncertainty. So, yes, I got another reflection time and I want you to ask yourself am I showing up for my faith even when it's hard? Am I trusting God with the areas that I can't control? Am I making intentional choices today that my future self and my kids will thank me for. It's pretty powerful, right, when you think about it.
Speaker 1:So remember advocating spiritually. It doesn't require perfection, it requires presence, honesty and consistency. Those small steps of faith, repeated daily, compound into a life filled with purpose, peace and power that no circumstance can shake. So, as I close, we have walked through, like I've said, healing, co-parenting, finances and now your daily walk with God. You've seen the difference between advocating and aggravating.
Speaker 1:And now, girls, it is time to put all of this into action. So here's my challenge for you I am double dog, daring you yes, double dog, daring you to make at least one big boss move this week, a boss move that pushes you closer to the life you and your kids deserve. Not a tiny shuffle, not a maybe I'll do it move. No, girl, I am talking about a move that matters, that challenges you and that your future self will high five you for. Like, I don't know, maybe it's finally setting a boundary with someone who drains your energy. Getting serious about a financial goal, like I don't know, setting up that weekly plan or investing in your energy. Getting serious about a financial goal, like I don't know, setting up that weekly plan or investing in your skills, prioritizing your healing, therapy, journaling or that tough conversation you've been avoiding. Starting a new spiritual habit getting up early, spending focused time with God, asking him to guide your choices for the day and then actually letting him do it, teaching your kids something real about responsibility, budgeting or resilience. So let's make this impossible to forget.
Speaker 1:I am Double Dog, daring you to post it on your fridge, write it on your mirror and hot pink lipstick Stick a post-it note to your steering wheel, or set it as a reminder notification on your phone. Three times a day for seven days. Make it visible and make it real. And then, when you reach that goal this week, give yourself a little attagirl, celebrate it. Then next week, set a slightly bigger goal. Keep building, keep moving and then keep advocating, keep flexing that new muscle that you are developing. And I don't know even do this. Go as far as posting it on social and get your girls, your gal pals, on board to do the same thing. Make it a movement, cheer each other on, hold each other accountable, share the wins, the struggles, and the big boss moves. It is always better when we do this and rise together.
Speaker 1:And here's a little extra tip, mama, okay. So sometimes we need a physical cue to break the cycle. So I'm going to call this a little snap to it, and I want you to keep a rubber band on your wrist or even just snap your fingers when you catch yourself aggravating yourself, complaining, stressing or even repeating old patterns. Let that snap be your reminder to pivot and advocate for yourself instead. Small actions like this, ladies, are going to help you train your mind and your heart to choose progress over frustration.
Speaker 1:And before we go, remember you're not alone. If you need prayer, encouragement or just someone to walk with you, call our prayer line at 855-822-PRAYER. Share this episode with a solo sister who needs to hear it too, with a solo sister who needs to hear it too, and because you know, girl, advocating for yourself every single day is how you set the stage to flourish. So go ahead, advocate versus aggravate the daily choice that shapes your life. Make your move, own your moment and show up like the boss you were created to be. Have a wonderful week and remember it's a single mom thing and not the single thing that stops you. Thanks for listening to it's a Single Mom Thing. I hope you enjoyed our time together. If you have more questions on how to have a relationship with Jesus or need prayer, visit us at wwwshepherdsvillagecom. Backslash prayer. For more information and resources, check out our show notes.
