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It's A Single Mom Thing
Welcome to “It's A Single Mom Thing,” the show for single moms by single moms, hosted by Sherry Chandler.
Being a solo momma and present parent is hard work, and losing focus is easy when you forget your faith. The good news is you are not alone. You were singled out this season, and together, we can work on what’s not working for you—finding Christ in the crisis! Whether you’re tuning in early in the morning or late at night, I’m here for you, momma.
This podcast is your go-to space for navigating life as a single mom with faith, fun, and a fresh perspective. We'll cover everything from mastering a single-mom success mindset and budgeting like a boss to prioritizing self-care and raising resilient kids. We’ll share time management hacks, parenting perspectives, co-parenting challenges, and how to find joy and laugh again. Together, we’ll move from surviving to thriving in every season of single motherhood.
Be encouraged. Get inspired. You can do this, momma.
Each Monday, join me for practical advice, relatable stories, and uplifting conversations as we walk this journey from solo momma to solo momma. I promise not to take too much of your time, and I’m so grateful you’re spending it with me.
It may be a single mom thing, but it doesn’t have to be the "single thing" that stops you!
It's A Single Mom Thing
Say No Like a Pro: Setting Boundaries That Stick
What if saying no wasn’t something to feel guilty about—but something that sets you free?
In this powerful and practical episode, we’re tackling the boundary word every single mom needs to master: No.
You’ll learn why it’s so hard to say it, how to say it with grace (and guts), and how to make it stick without losing yourself in the process.
We’ll walk through:
- The emotional weight behind our “yes”
- What Scripture says about boundaries
- Mirror work and “No Scripts” you can practice today
- How to celebrate your first courageous no
- And why saying “no” is actually saying yes to peace, purpose, and the next opportunity
✨ BONUS: If you haven’t yet, go back and listen to Season 2, Episode 12: “No Is Yes to Next Opportunities” for the perfect companion to this episode.
Need someone to pray with you as you walk this out?
We’re here for you 24/7 at 855-822-PRAY. You’re not alone.
It's a Single Mom Thing, Not the Single Thing That Stops You!
Welcome to it's a Single Mom Thing, the show for single moms by single moms. This is Sherri, your host, and I am happy you are here today. Remember it's a single mom thing and not the single thing that stops you. Well, hello there, mamas, and welcome back to another episode of it's a Single Mom Thing, where we say what other people won't and speak to what your soul needs. Today, we're talking about a tiny two-letter word that's hard to say but can change your life no. Now, before you hit pause thinking that this is just another motivational talk about self-care, I want to challenge you with something different.
Speaker 1:Saying no isn't selfish. It's sacred in my book, it's soul protection. It's your spirit's way of standing tall and saying God gave me worth and I will live like I believe it. Mm, hmm.
Speaker 1:So if this conversation rings a bell, it's because way back in season two episode 12, to be specific, we cracked open this very topic in a powerful episode called no is yes to Next Opportunities. In that episode, we boiled down saying no into four life-shifting next opportunities. Number one saying no on your own terms. Two, maybe next time. Three, saying a no that buys you time. And four, a full on stop. No. It was bold, it was freeing and it was the beginning of learning how to honor your no. So if you haven't listened to that one yet or you need a little refresher, pause this episode and go hit play on that one first or circle back to it afterwards. Either way, today's episode is definitely going to build on that truth, because now we're not just redefining no, we are learning how to say it like a pro and make it stick like some duct tape, the boundary battle. So we got to start this off by being honest. How many times have you said yes when every fiber in your body was screaming no? Yes, I will watch your kids. Yes, I will cover your shift. Yes, I will let you drop the kids off past their bedtime. Yes, I'll listen to your drama again while mine simmers on the back burner.
Speaker 1:We say yes because we're moms, because we're helpers, because we don't want to disappoint. But you know what saying yes to everything often becomes? It becomes a slow, quiet way of saying no to yourself Facts, so quiet way of saying no to yourself, facts. I remember this one day I was exhausted 10 hours, shipped, no break, a little full, listen. A little full, a little food. I wasn't full and I was full throttle though the whole day and a friend asked, can you do me a favor? And I cringed and I said, sure, what is it? And she told me and I said yes when I'm sure my face said no. I showed up because you know, share, bear cares. But I also showed up resentful. I wasn't doing it out of love, if I'm honest. I was doing it because I was afraid to disappoint. That's right. My people-pleasing self sold myself out again and I'm pretty sure I told myself the last time this happened. This would be the last time I would do that. Sound familiar? I know I'm not alone. Why?
Speaker 1:No is hard for single moms and what's underneath that? Now let's pause for a second and get real. If you're a single mom, saying no might not just be uncomfortable, it might feel impossible. And there are some real reasons for that, and let's name a few. Number one guilt. You're already carrying the weight of the world raising kids, making every decision, juggling jobs, meals, moods and meltdowns. The last thing you want is to feel like you're letting anyone down, especially your kids. Two fear of rejection or judgment Sometimes. Sometimes we say yes because we're afraid people will think we're weak, ungrateful, difficult or not doing enough. We don't want to seem like we can't handle all, all of it. Excuse me, even though no one was meant to yeah.
Speaker 1:Three survival mode. When you've had to fight for everything money, childcare, safety, peace you can slip into yes mode because you're wired to survive, not disappoint. You start to believe that access equals opportunity, even when it costs you your sanity. Four wanting to prove something. Maybe you want to prove to the world, your ex or even yourself that you can do it all. And saying no might feel like failure, but hear me saying no isn't weakness, but hear me saying no isn't weakness, ladies, it's wisdom. Five how about some FOMO? Fear of missing out on connection? That's with a C. Maybe it's a FOMO C. You might say yes because you're afraid of missing out. Well, missing out on what? Friendships, on belonging, on being included. But let me tell you what people who love you will respect your no, believe it or not. So listen, if you have ever struggled to say it, you are not alone. There are a lot of whys behind your yes. But mama, listen, it takes time to ask at what cost and what. If saying no is exactly what opens the door for God's better yes.
Speaker 1:What the Word Says. Here's where the truth will set us free. Now, you know, even Jesus had boundaries. Praise the Lord. He walked away from the crowd. He didn't answer every request. He said no to distractions, even when people didn't understand. And there were many of times where people did not understand and may have even thought he was a copying a bit of a little attitude. Now, luke 5, 16 says Jesus often withdrew to lonely places and he prayed. He didn't ask for permission, he knew that to be poured out, he had to be filled up Word.
Speaker 1:And Proverbs 4.23 says it this way above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it. Did you happen to notice that it said guard your heart, not give it away for free. That's not just a cute cross stitch verse, that's God's instruction manual right there. Guard it, set a boundary, draw the line and draw it again if someone tries to erase it. My sister, let your yes be yes and your no be no. Matthew 5, 37, and that happens to be one of my favorite verses in the whole Bible. And to drive it home, paul said it in Galatians. Listen, galatians, oh my gravy. Galatians 1, 10. Am I now trying to win the approval of men, or of God Oof, that's man. That should stop people, pleaser in her tracks. Okay, paul, I hear you.
Speaker 1:So let's then move on to the boundary blueprint. So how do we say no like a pro and not crumble like a cookie five minutes later? Well, one, let's start with some clarity, and what I mean by that is know your purpose. If it's not aligned with your priorities or your peace, it's a no and no guilt required, okay. Two speak it simply. Don't explain yourself into exhaustion. You can say thanks for thinking of me, but that doesn't work for me right now, or even just I'm not available. Listen, ladies. No run on sentence is required, no, okay. So three how about we expect some pushback? Well, here's the truth. People who benefited from your lack of boundaries well yeah, they won't clap when you set them now. But you're not here for applause, right? You're here for alignment. You might even get pushback from, let's say, your old self, who is not used to your new self speaking with such authority.
Speaker 1:Four hold the line Boundaries. Let's just say they're like fences. If you keep moving them, people will too. Sister, you need to stand firm. You don't have to raise your voice to raise your standard. Ooh snap, that was good. And here's something I too have to remember to tell myself when I need to hold the line, just because my insides may be doing somersaults and cartwheels as I step outside of my comfort zone to hold the line and say I know people don't know what I'm feeling on the inside, but they will know what I'm saying by what I'm saying. So, even if it doesn't feel so good, they don't know that I know that it doesn't feel good.
Speaker 1:Now five reinforce with some truth. When guilt comes knocking, answer with some scripture, because you know it is going to knock. Remind yourself I'm not being mean, I'm being wise. I'm guarding my peace because my peace is sacred. Listen, girl every time you give your peace away, you know darn well that you are giving a piece of you away.
Speaker 1:So we're going to do a little practice session here, and it's called Say it in the Mirror, practicing your no. So before we move on, I want to give you some practical things to say because, let's be real, knowing why you need to say no and even how to say it doesn't make it easier unless you practice it. And that's where the mirror comes in. Now I'm talking about mirror work, okay, so stand in front of that mirror the bathroom, the bedroom, the rear view mirror in the car, I don't care Find a mirror and speak these truths until your voice stops shaking and your soul starts believing it, even if it is a dressing room mirror, and target, use it.
Speaker 1:Because here's what happens when you practice your mouth catches up with your mind, your let's see you courage. You get courage. I don't know where my blah, blah, blah is going today. Your courage gets louder than your fear and your no starts to sound like a whole sentence, not a question mark. So here are a few no scripts to say out loud until they stick.
Speaker 1:Here's one Number one how about? No, that doesn't work for me right now. Or thanks for thinking of me, but I'll have to pass. I'm not available for that, but I hope it goes well for you. I can't commit to that and I'm okay with that. And maybe that's that I'm okay with that.
Speaker 1:That you say to yourself and let's see how about? I'm choosing peace, and that means saying no at this time, or I don't, and this might be what you say to yourself, not to the other person. I don't owe anyone an explanation for my boundaries. That one you could practice saying to yourself Now say them again, but this time say them like you believe them. Then say them until you do. And if your voice trembles, girl, let it. That's your strength waking up.
Speaker 1:This isn't just about saying no to them, it's about saying yes to you. And when you finally hold your no with someone, when you set that boundary and stick to it, when you stick that landing, come back to that mirror and say this oh yeah, I did that. I honored my voice, I protected my peace. I am proud of me. Or saying no isn't selfish, it's strong, and I'm stronger than I thought and I'm looking pretty cute right now too. Or even this you could say look at you, mama, walking in wisdom like a warrior. That no was a yes to me. Holla, I'm fun with it. If you could see I'm having a little way too much fun, but it's time that we start talking nice to ourself. Celebrate the courage, don't brush past it. You didn't just say no. You said yes to your growth, your clarity and your calling. This isn't just about saying no to them either. It's about saying yes to you, and I've said that a couple times and I'm going to say it again Say yes to you. So let's have a moment of reflection and let's slow our roll a little bit. Have a moment of reflection and let's slow our roll a little bit. Let's take a deep breath. Yes, come on, take a deep breath. I see you holding it ready to move on to the next thing. There you go Now ask yourself where do I need to set a boundary?
Speaker 1:What or who has been draining my peace, because I keep saying yes out of fear instead of faith? Maybe it's that group text that always dumps drama. Or maybe it's the friend who only calls when she's in crisis. Maybe, just maybe, it's your own inner critic that says you're not allowed to rest. Maybe it's even saying yes to your kiddos every time they have to struggle with something.
Speaker 1:Mama God gave you permission to say no, no to burnout, no to guilt, no to caring what's not yours. In fact, it's God honoring and it's honoring to yourself to say no every once in a while. So, after all that, I want to pray for you, my sister. So, if you're driving, keep your eyes on the road, but hear me out in this prayer. Close your eyes, if you can.
Speaker 1:Father God, thank you for the freedom to say no, for reminding us that boundaries are not barriers, but rather they're bridges to your peace. Help us walk in wisdom, speak with grace and protect the peace you've given us. Give us courage to say no to things that drain us and yes to the things that align with you. Teach us to guard our hearts without guilt In Jesus, precious name, amen.
Speaker 1:Ladies, you were never meant to be everything to everyone. You were meant to be obedient to the one, and sometimes obedience sounds like this no. So say it with peace, say it with grace and say it like a pro. And hey, if this episode gave you strength to stand in your ground, you need to share it with us, with a sister who needs it. Tag us, message us, let us know what boundaries you're setting this week.
Speaker 1:And, mama, if this stirred something in you or you're facing a hard conversation and you need some backup, we're here for you, don't forget. You can call us at our 24-7 prayer line anytime, at 855-822-PRAY, because you don't have to figure this out on your own. You got a village and we're just one call away. Until next time. I'm Sherri, reminding you that it's a single mom thing and not a single thing that stops you. Thanks for listening to. It's a Single Mom Thing. I hope you enjoyed our time together. If you have more questions on how to have a relationship with Jesus or need prayer, visit us at wwwshepherdsvillagecom. Backslash prayer. For more information and resources, check out our show notes.
