It's A Single Mom Thing

Bounce Back Better: Rebuilding Confidence After a Breakup, Divorce or Loss

• Shepherd's Village • Season 5 • Episode 20

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When the dust settles after divorce or loss, you're often left asking, "Who even am I now?" In this honest and hope-filled episode, Sherry walks with you through the sacred process of rebuilding confidence—not into who you were, but into who you’re becoming.

You’ll explore what it means to rediscover your voice, your preferences, your identity—and most importantly, your faith. From guarding your peace to grieving with purpose, setting new boundaries to re-rooting your relationship with God, this episode is your gentle yet powerful guide to bouncing back stronger.

Featuring:

  • A Bounce Back Blueprint to help you reflect, anchor, and take action
  • Encouragement for mamas wondering when it’s “okay” to love again
  • Insight on how your healing impacts your kids
  • A heartfelt prayer for those feeling pressed, but not crushed
  • An invitation to our 24-hour prayer line: 855-822-PRAY

You’re not starting over—you’re starting stronger.

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It's a Single Mom Thing, Not the Single Thing That Stops You!

Speaker 1:

Welcome to it's a Single Mom Thing, the show for single moms by single moms. This is Sherri, your host, and I am happy you are here today. Remember it's a single mom thing and not the single thing that stops you. Well, hey, hey, hey, and hello there, my mamas. So I'm going to open our time together with a little question for you.

Speaker 1:

Have you ever stared in the mirror and thought, well, who am I now? Well, you're not alone, whether you're walking through a divorce, grieving a relationship you thought would last, or feeling like you lost yourself somewhere along the way. This episode is for you Because, listen, today I want to tell you something true and tender. Yes, I can be tender, believe it or not. You can, my sister. You can bounce back, and not just back to who you were. You can bounce forward into who God is making you to be. Oh, that is so delicious, am I right? So today, let's talk about this tasty treat and that is how to bounce back better, because broken doesn't mean done and loss doesn't get the final word.

Speaker 1:

Welcome back to another episode of it's a Single Mom Thing, sing-a-mom thing. When confidence crashes, lost in the mirror, who am I now without him? So let's be honest. When the relationship ends, you know it's not just the person who's gone. Sometimes it feels like you are too, am I right? You know, when you look in the mirror and the face staring back at you seems unfamiliar, it's like all the lines of who you are got blurred over time. You're not even sure what you look like anymore.

Speaker 1:

Did you actually love that show, or did he, and so you watched it too? Did you really enjoy that sushi spot every Friday night, or was that just his favorite and you tagged along? Were those your peeps at the barbecue, or were they his friends you learned to laugh with Somewhere along the way? I wonder if you became an accessory to someone else's identity and now, without it, you're unsure. Where he ends and you begin, am I hitting a hard spot there? Good, then you need to stay here, because listen, and maybe, maybe, maybe it wasn't all bad. Maybe it felt like love to share his world. But now, trying to live in your own skin his world, but now trying to live in your own skin, you're discovering how much of your world was built on his preferences, his priorities, maybe even his presence. Even your voice may sound different, like you're speaking in fragments. Well, why is that? Because maybe he always finished your sentences. He filled in the blanks, answered the waiter for you, explained your thoughts and conversations and now that he's gone, well, now you're left trying to finish your own sentences, literally and emotionally. That can be a little janky. It says you're trying to find your voice again and listen. That takes time.

Speaker 1:

So if you feel uncertain, awkward, even a little lost, maybe I'm here to tell you that there is nothing, and hear my words, nothing wrong with you. So you need to give yourself some grace. You're not broken. You are becoming. This season that you now find yourself in, this is the season unlearning before the rediscovery, the undoing before the rebuilding. And it's okay if you don't have all the answers right now. You're not who you used to be and you don't yet know who you're becoming. But here's my promise you will and she's going to be someone you actually recognize, someone who yes, her yes means yes whose voice is steady and whose preferences are her own. So here is the pep talk that you need to have with yourself, and maybe you could even write this in your journal, if you remember to bring it with you. And that is, and write this down, I quote I may be relearning who I am, but I am worth rediscovering.

Speaker 1:

Rebuilding starts with a stronger foundation, so laying a new ground after love is lost, that is where we're headed next. So, now that the storm has passed and you're standing on what may be a cracked foundation, trying to figure out how to rebuild it and let me tell you this don't rush to build a tower on top of rubble. This, my sister, is your moment to pour a new and stronger foundation, one that's not built on someone else's opinions or the approval you used to chase, but on truth, identity and peace. You see, you don't owe the world a quick fix. You don't owe yourself a deadline. What you do owe yourself, however, is time Time to heal, to reflect and reclaim. So, number one how do you do that? Well, you're going to do that by pouring a new foundation. You see, rebuilding confidence after a loss starts from the ground up.

Speaker 1:

This time, though, however, we are pouring concrete with intention. You see, you are learning what matters to you. You are deciding who gets access to your life and how much. You're not giving someone level 10 access when they've only earned level two clearance, just because someone shows up. Listen, my girl, and I know this might sting. It doesn't mean they get to settle in. That's not being guarded, it's being wise. You've lived through giving too much of yourself away, am I right? So this time, why don't you do things differently this time? Can you learn how to guard your peace like it's sacred? Because, listen, it is Number two grieve, don't grab.

Speaker 1:

I'm going to say that again Grieve, don't grab. Sometimes we rush to find a replacement just to quiet the ache. I know I'm right, because I have done this too, you see, but rebounding before rebuilding only leads to another crash. Ladies, let yourself grieve what was lost. Not just the person, though, however, but the promises, the shared dreams, even the good memories. You don't have to hate them to heal. You just have to be honest about that chapter and what it taught you and why you're choosing not to reread it.

Speaker 1:

You see, I have found that every relationship comes with a hidden gift. Sometimes it's love, but sometimes it's a lesson, and then sometimes it's both. Number three love yourself first, so you don't lose yourself again. Now, there's a difference between loving someone deeply and disappearing into them completely. You may find yourself there right now. You may have loved them more than you loved yourself. Have you ever noticed that? But now listen. Now it's time to flip that script, as we do in every podcast. You see, you matter, your needs matter and your boundaries matter. You were never meant to shrink to fit someone else's life. You were meant to grow into your own. This is your season to love you better, stronger, deeper. So the next time love comes along, you don't vanish in its shadow. You shine.

Speaker 1:

Number four let's talk about the kids, because this is a truth. Talk here If you're a mama and most of you are this part is sacred. Maybe he was their dad, or maybe he was a strong male presence in their life for a while. Either way, this loss doesn't just echo in your heart, my dear. It ripples through theirs too. So my advice to you while you rebuild is to let them see you doing it with grace, not bitterness. Talk with them, cry with them. Let them feel safe in the truth that people may leave, but life listen. People may leave, listen, but I'm gonna go back, but love doesn't have to. And then let them witness your bounce back, not into perfection, but into peace, because, listen, what you do today we have talked about this before impacts their tomorrow. So here's a little pep talk you need to have with yourself and maybe even with your kids, and you might want to write this down in your journal, and it's I'm not rebuilding to be who I was, I'm rebuilding to become who I was always meant to be.

Speaker 1:

Faith fueled confidence from hurt to what I like to call blessing, letting God rebuild what was torn down. So if there's one thing that I've learned through every cracked heart and there have been many closed doors and a season of silence it is this God never wastes a hurt, he transforms it, and when we let him, that pain becomes a blessing. And that is a lesson wrapped in a blessing we never saw coming. You're crushed, but not destroyed. You may feel like the weight of your story has pressed you down, and maybe it has. But hear me, my sweet friend, pressed is not the same as crushed. In fact, you know that the best olive oil only comes from an olive that's been pressed that pressure that breaking it was, and it releases the richness, the anointing and the purpose. So now you're not being destroyed, you're being poured, you're being refined, you're being prepared for something that could never come without the press Purpose in the pain. Now I won't pretend.

Speaker 1:

God's plan always makes sense. His ways are not our ways. You know that, girl, and his thoughts they are way higher than ours. Sometimes, I have found his plan doesn't show up in a neat bow, sometimes it looks like a storm or silence or even surrender, but even when you don't see it, he's still working. If you let him, god will use this pain to rebuild and refortify the most important relationship you have and that's the one you have with him, because he doesn't want you just patched up, girl, please. He wants you anchored, rooted, secure in him. You see, a love story that stays. The world may have taught you that love leaves, that it pulls away when you need it most, but God, he stays, he holds and he restores. Sometimes he removes what we thought we couldn't live without, to show us we were never alone to begin with.

Speaker 1:

So this season listen, ladies, I know the season is hard it's a hard, holy rebuild. It isn't just about healing from the loss of him, though. It's about reconnecting with the greater him your father, your sustainer, your safe place. You see, he's not asking for perfection, he's asking for presence, yours for perfection. He's asking for presence, yours To sit at his feet, to let him be the balm to your bruised heart, to let his love reshape your identity, because when the confidence of this world fails you, the confidence in Christ will fill you.

Speaker 1:

So I got a little scripture to anchor that in, and it's from 2 Corinthians 4, 8, and it says this we are hard pressed on every side, but not crushed. Perplexed but not in despair. Ladies, let that wash over you. Today You're not crushed, you're being crafted. So here's a little pep talk I have for you, before we're going to go into a little bit of prayer I have for you, and that's God's not just using the pain, he's producing something precious in me because of it. So pressed but not crushed, let's take a moment just to breathe, wherever you are driving, walking, folding laundry even. Let this be a pause, a reset, a conversation with your Holy Father, who's never far away but right there with you.

Speaker 1:

Lord Jesus, father, god, I'm tired, I'm hurting. Sometimes I feel like I'm losing more than I am learning. But today and in this moment, I choose to believe you don't waste a single tear, that every ache in my chest is being used, shaped and redeemed. Even when I don't understand your ways, I want to trust your heart. Help me stop clinging to the broken pieces of what was and start leaning into the beauty of what could be. God, I feel the press, but I thank you that I'm not crushed. I thank you that what the enemy meant to destroy me you are using to develop me. Help me to love you more, not just when things are good, but here, in the hard, in the in-between, in the rebuilding, in the quiet, even. And, lord, as I rebuild my confidence, help me first to rebuild my connection with you. Remind me, I'm not forgotten, I'm not too much, I'm not too broken. I'm not too broken, I'm not alone. You are near to the brokenhearted and I'm ready to feel you near me now, in Jesus' name, amen. So I got a bounce back blueprint for you, and that might be so. What now? You might be there right now saying what now? You've cried, you question, you felt the press, but not the crush.

Speaker 1:

Ladies, now it's time to rise. But before you add anyone new to your life, let me say something tender but true. You don't need a new relationship to validate your healing. You need time. Give healing a holy pause. Now I know loneliness can whisper all kinds of things, especially late at night. I certainly understand that, but I also understand that rushing into something new before the old wound has even scabbed over that's like painting over a cracked wall It'll only crumble again. So here's a good rule of thumb Give yourself a season, not a weekend, not just enough time to feel better, but enough to get better, to know your triggers, to rewrite your patterns, to recognize the red flags and, yes, to fall in love with your own company again. Learn how to be your own best friend. You're not on a timeline, you're not on a healing track.

Speaker 1:

So I ask you, can you honor it? How will you know when you're ready for something new? You might even be asking yourself that, well, here are some things that you will look for when you're not looking for someone to complete you but to compliment the whole person you've become. When your peace isn't so fragile that one text message can shatter it. Or even when your identity doesn't depend on someone else's interest, that's a good one. Or when your standards are rooted in your healing, not your hurting. But what about the kids? Well, this part, it is sacred and you have to honor it.

Speaker 1:

If you got little ones watching you and you do, because you're single mamas here your healing, I have to tell you isn't just about you. It's about showing them that love doesn't mean losing yourself. Boundaries are beautiful and mama is whole on her own. You see, before you invite someone new into your home, you probably need to ask yourself can they carry the weight of my kids' hearts too? Because, listen, your children aren't just spectators, their participants and their readiness matters just as much as yours. So give them time to grieve, to recalibrate, to ask their questions, to feel safe in this new version of your family, before bringing in someone new. And listen when you're ready, you'll know, because you won't be searching to fill a void. Listen when you're ready, you'll know, because you won't be searching to fill a void. You'll be walking in fullness and you'll have the wisdom to protect what you've worked so hard to rebuild.

Speaker 1:

Now, before I close, let's go back to that blueprint that I promised you. You see, better doesn't mean shiny, it means stronger. You see, you didn't bounce back into who you were, you bounced forward into who you're becoming. Let's build your bounce back blueprint by doing this. Number one I hope you got your journal ready, because we're going to do a journal prompt here, and I want you to write three questions.

Speaker 1:

Number one what did I lose, what did I learn and what am I ready to gain? Then, two, I want you to do what I'm calling is an anchor check and write down who are my three lifelines and have I reached out to them lately? And then number three, there's an action step and you need to write what one brave thing can I do this week? And two, even if it's scary, can I do it scared? And, ladies, my advice to you is, when the day feels heavy and it will speak this over yourself, even when I'm knocked down, I'm not knocked out, ladies, you're not broken, you're being rebuilt. You're not behind, you're being aligned. You're not just bouncing back, you are bouncing forward. And, mama, that bounce back, it looks so beautiful on you.

Speaker 1:

So if you're in the middle of a rebuild, if you're sorting through what was lost, what still hurts and who you're becoming, please know you don't have to do it alone. We are here for you and, more importantly, god is here for you. He sees every tear, holds every piece and is already working a bounce back better than you can imagine. And if today just feels heavy, if you need someone to believe with you, to pray with you, to simply stand in the gap. Call our 24-hour prayer line anytime at 855-822-PRAY that's 855-822-7729. We're not just on the other end. We're ready to lift you up and speak hope over your life, because we know healing is hard. But with God and with a village of support, you don't have to do it alone Until next time.

Speaker 1:

Keep rebuilding, keep believing and always remember your comeback's already in progress. It may be a single mom thing, but it is not the single thing that's going to stop you. Thanks for listening to. It's a Single Mom Thing. I hope you enjoyed our time together, our time together. If you have more questions on how to have a relationship with Jesus or need prayer, visit us at wwwshepherdsvillagecom. Backslash prayer. For more information and resources, check out our show notes.

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Sherry Chandler

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