It's A Single Mom Thing
Welcome to “It's A Single Mom Thing”, the show for single moms by single moms.
Being a solo momma and present parent is hard work and it’s easy to lose your focus when you forget your faith. The good news is, that you are not alone, you were singled out in this season, and together we can work on what’s not working for you finding Christ in the crisis! Whether you are listening early in the morning or late at night, we are here for you!
Be encouraged. Get inspired. You can do this, momma.
Stay tuned as each Monday we will feature fresh and fun content and conversations as we join you on this journey from solo momma to solo momma. We promise not to take too much of your time and thank you for spending it with us. It may be a single mom thing, but it doesn’t have to be the single thing that stops you!
It's A Single Mom Thing
Understanding What Your Kids Aren't Telling You
In this episode of It’s a Single Mom Thing, we dive into a topic every mom wonders about—what’s really going on in the hearts and minds of our kids. As single moms, we often juggle so much that it’s easy to miss the subtle signs our children are giving us. Sometimes, they hold in their feelings, not because they don’t trust us, but because they might not know how to express them.
Join me, Sherry, as I unpack the reasons why kids may struggle to open up, how you can read the cues they’re sending, and how to create a safe space for them to share. Plus, discover powerful encouragement for moms who feel the weight of wanting to help but aren’t sure how. Tune in to learn how to connect more deeply with your kids and offer them the emotional security they need.
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It's a Single Mom Thing, Not the Single Thing That Stops You!
Welcome to it's a Single Mom Thing, the show for single moms by single moms. This is Sherri, your host, and I am happy you are here today. Remember it's a single mom thing and not the single thing that stops you. Welcome to another episode of it's a Single Mom Thing, where we can come together and navigate the challenges and joys of single motherhood, and navigate the challenges and joys of single motherhood. I'm your host, sherri, and today we are diving into something all parents wonder about what's really going on in the hearts and minds of our kids?
Speaker 1:As single moms, we spin so many plates. It is way too easy to miss the silent cues our children are giving us. They may not always tell us what they're feeling or thinking, but if we pay close attention, we too can do a little ask-by, getting a clue and learn to understand the language of the unspoken. In today's episode, we'll explore the hidden messages behind their behavior, the emotions they may struggle to express and how we, as moms, can create a space where they feel safe to open up. Together. Let's unpack their little suitcases to what your kids are telling you and how you can help them feel seen, heard and understood. The Silent Struggles what Kids Aren't Saying can help them feel seen, heard and understood. The silence struggles what kids aren't saying. Now, I know silence is golden, but then there are times when it isn't such a treasure, like when our kids go radio silent. Being a boy mom, I tend to guess this is a little different than a girl mom. I'm just guessing that, as my nieces, as I viewed them, they had quite the vocabulary and they usually knew what was on their mind. That's because they shared it with you and anyone who was listening. Now, raising a boy, however, in my experience, as he was a male, he was a man of few words. Sure, we talked about a lot of things, but we didn't talk about matters of the heart or things that troubled his mind, unless it was right before bed. Oh yes, when the struggle was real for him, he felt real, compelled to share it all with me right before we went to bed. But what about when our littles are afraid to open up? How do we understand what their silence is really saying?
Speaker 1:As kids of separation, divorce or just a one-parent household, kids may choose to keep certain feelings to themselves, either to avoid birding you, the mom, or because they're unsure how to express their emotions. So here, my sisters. It is important to remember that our kiddos, especially the littles, are still developing their emotional vocabulary and the cognitive ability to fully understand their own feelings. In fact, research in child development shows that most children under the age of 10, well, they're still learning how to identify and articulate their emotions. Even older kids, particularly in their preteens and early teens, may struggle with this because their brains are still maturing, especially in areas like emotional regulation and understanding complex feelings. And well, sometimes us women, we're complex and we're hard to understand. Now, contrary to popular belief, it's not just because they don't want to talk to you. They may not know how to talk to you.
Speaker 1:Here's some straight up facts. Did you know that the prefrontal cortex, the part of the brain responsible for managing emotions and decision making? Well, it isn't fully developed until the mid-20s, and that might explain a lot of things for the boys and people you dated. This means children, even tweens and teens, often experience emotions intensely but may not have the ability to process them nor put them into words. They know how they feel something, but they may struggle with how to describe it, but they sure don't have a hard time screaming or crying it out, am I right. So how this plays out.
Speaker 1:Well, with younger children. They may feel sad, angry or confused, but only know how to share it through actions like throwing tantrums, crying or withdrawing. They haven't yet mastered the ability to say I'm feeling overwhelmed because of the changes in my life. That would be funny if that came out of their mouth. Tweens and early teens well, they might experience complex emotions like feeling caught between wanting independence and needing security. Their way of expressing frustration may be through behaviors like slamming doors, saying hurtful things or shutting down. Oh, I remember when I was a teen and having a hard time trying to articulate that I was having a hard time understanding some math homework, that I was having a hard time understanding some math homework. My mom well, she was a math teacher and only being able to read into what I said. Well, she said something in just back and well, I went off on her, ran to my room, slammed the door and then cried it out no-transcript.
Speaker 1:And here's another example I'm sure that you too can relate to. Imagine your child had a tough day at school. Maybe they felt left out or frustrated. But when you ask them, hey, how was your day at school? They might struggle and shrug their shoulders and say, yeah, it was fine.
Speaker 1:It's not that they don't want to share, but they may not fully understand the emotions they're experiencing or know how to talk about them. This, ladies, is a normal part of their development, even though their fit may seem abnormal. Take a deep breath, mama, helping them build their emotional vocabulary. As moms, it's crucial to help our kids by giving them the tools to express themselves. As moms, it's crucial to help our kids by giving them the tools to express themselves. This can mean modeling how to talk about emotions, offering them language to describe what they're feeling and using simple terms they can understand. For example, you might say I can see you're feeling frustrated right now. Do you feel upset because of what happened at school? Now, remember, ladies, this is a natural stage of growth and development. So try to respond with patience and understanding of what they don't understand Now, why they don't always open up.
Speaker 1:This may be surprising to you, but surprisingly, the reasons behind this is fear of upsetting you. They know you spend a lot of place, they see you. But surprisingly, the reasons behind this is fear of upsetting you. They know you spend a lot of place, they see you. Other reasons may be confusion over their own emotions, or they may simply not know how to put their thoughts into words. Just because they can speak doesn't mean they understand what they're saying or even what the situation they're in is saying. For example, how many of you have noticed your child getting quiet after visits with their other parent or their mood shifting when school or friendships come up? These, well, these could be signs that they're holding something in. So here's a little pro tip. If you sense your kiddo is holding something in, pro tip If you sense your kiddo is holding something in, try using reflective listening Instead of pressing them with direct questions like what's wrong. Try gently reflecting their emotions back to them. And this is here. This is what this sounds like. It seems like something might be bothering you. I'm here whenever you feel ready to talk. This shows you're available without putting pressure on them to open up right away.
Speaker 1:Sometimes kids, ladies, sometimes they need time to process their emotions before they're able to share. I know for me as an adult, especially when I'm in the midst of a crucial conversation, whether it's at work, with family or friends I too don't always have the words to respond right away. So I choose to stay silent, and I do this until I can process the situation and my feelings into words that I can trust are helpful and not hurtful the power of observation, reading between the lines. Many times as parents, I have found that I had to be a super sleuth to discover and uncover my son's behavior, which often said what his words did not. Changes in his attitude, mood swings or even withdrawing from activities he once loved were indicators of something deeper that we needed to dive into, looking out for signs and silent cues. Well, those are things like changes in sleeping or eating habits, withdrawing socially or even being unusually clingy. For me, these were all the clues that I knew to look for when I knew something was up with my little guy.
Speaker 1:For your kiddo, it may be that a tantrum over the smallest thing might not be about the spilt milk. It could be about a bigger emotional storm that they are trying to navigate. I mean honestly, you're a woman, so you don't have to read too far into this one. We are pros at not sharing our feelings when something is really bugging us. Just watch any wife and how she responds when her husband asks her honey what's wrong, and she responds how Nothing, lies and deceptions. You know that your kids' nonverbal screams. Well, they do scream something, so create a safe space for them to open up. And how do you do that? Well, you make room for conversation to happen. Listen, ladies, it is muy importante to create moments where your kids feel safe to share, without fear of judgment or disappointment. It's about letting your kids know that, no matter what they are feeling, they won't be criticized or dismissed. You're a woman. You know firsthand how important this is to you.
Speaker 1:Nonverbal communication Well, that looks like sometimes. It's less about asking direct questions and it's more about giving them space with subtle affirmations like hugs, physical presence or an undistracted time together, for example, even if they're not ready to talk right away, your consistent presence will remind them that they can come to you when they're ready. So here's a pro tip so, when they are ready, be prepared to drop everything within reason, unless there's something really going on that you can't pause for the cause at that moment, then you need to quickly and clearly give them a time that you will be able to spend with them, assuring them that they have been heard and that you will be there on time to meet with them. Now, again this when my son decided right before bed that that was a good time to dump on me. I made the time to stay up with him and talk about it, albeit I was exhausted, but I did put a boundary on how long we were going to talk so he could and I could both get rest that we needed Usually for me. I could tell by his nonverbal communication when it was a good time to conclude our conversation.
Speaker 1:Ladies, don't make the mistake of putting your kids' feelings off until you are ready. You just may miss that door of opportunity they opened up for you and to you how to respond when they don't open up, listening without fixing. Again, as a woman, this one should hit close to home. Why? Because when we talk to a guy, we don't want him to really fix us, do we? We want him to do what Listen.
Speaker 1:So, as a single mom, the instinct to fix or offer advice well, it's strong, but often kids, they just need to be heard, just like you. So validate their feelings, validate their emotions. Even if their worry seems small or irrational to us as adults, it is real to them. Remember that. So, for example, when your child shares their fears or frustrations, even if it's something as simple and small, acknowledge how it is real and feels to them. Say things like I can see why that would make you feel upset. That can go a long way into building trust. You can do this at an early age and listen in the stages. Later they most likely will open up to you before looking for answers elsewhere. You getting what I'm putting down there, sister. You see, if you validate their feelings in the small, they will trust you with the tall feelings too.
Speaker 1:What kids wish they could tell you? Here are some common things that kids might struggle with. That are like feelings of guilty about their parent situation. They have pressures to succeed or fear of disappointing you, their mom Remember you are their Shiro. So here's a list of things that we can go over that your kids might wish they could express if they had the right words or felt more comfortable. So, ladies, you might want to get some tissue ready, as some of these might be hard to hear.
Speaker 1:I'm scared that I'm making things harder for you. That means they may be feeling guilty about the extra stress they perceive they're adding to your life. I miss the way the things used to be before the divorce or separation. I feel caught in the middle between you and dad. I don't know how to deal with my emotions right now. I need more attention from you, but I don't want to seem needy. I don't want to hurt your feelings by telling you what's bothering me. I'm worried that things are never going to get better. They could be feeling, and that could be a feeling of anxious about their future, but don't want to voice their fears.
Speaker 1:Here's another one. I get sad when you're stressed or upset Kids. Well, honestly, they're highly sensitive to their mom's emotions and so they may internalize some of your stress. Mama, I don't know how to talk to you about certain things. I'm afraid you won't understand how I'm feeling. I feel different from other kids because of our family situation.
Speaker 1:In that situation, they might be trying to express feelings of isolation or like they don't fit in with their peers who live in a two-parent home. I don't always know what I'm feeling, but I wish you could just be there. Sometimes. They don't need advice, they just need your presence and reassurance. Mama, now, I know that hearing these silent struggles can feel heavy, but let me encourage you just by being here, listening and caring, you are already making a difference in your child's life.
Speaker 1:You don't have to have all the answers to solve every problem. Sometimes the most powerful thing you can do is simply be present for your child. Show them, day by day, that they can trust you with their feelings, no matter how messy or confusing. Remember, no mom is perfect and your child doesn't need you to be perfect. They just need to know that you are there, ready to listen when they're ready to talk. By creating a safe, loving space where they feel seen and understood, you're giving them the gift of emotional security. So take a deep breath, release the pressure and trust that, with love, patience and faith, you and your child will navigate these emotions together. You got this, mama. Now, before I close here, here is one last tool that you can put in your toolkit today Help your kids develop emotional language, teaching them to express their emotions by journaling, drawing or using stories.
Speaker 1:What's great about this is that it offers creative ways, which your kids love, to use their imagination. It offers them an opportunity to help them express what they can't say directly. Encourage them to journal their feelings or use art to show what they're going through. Sometimes, drawing out their emotion helps them speak more openly. Drawing them out as we wrap up today's episode.
Speaker 1:Remember this your child may not always have the words to tell you how they're feeling, but they are constantly communicating with you in other ways, through their actions, moods and even their silence. They're reaching out, trusting that you're there too and that you're there to catch them when they need it most. As a single mom, you're already caring so much, but you don't have to carry it alone. Lean into your community, your faith and the support that's available to you, and when it comes to your kids, just showing up with love and understanding is enough. They don't need you to be perfect, they just need you to be present. If you're looking for more support and connection, don't forget about.
Speaker 1:Art is a Single Mom Thing class, where we meet on the second and fourth Tuesday of every month. For more information and inspiration, visit shepherdsvillagecom. Forward slash classes. You don't have to walk this journey alone, mama, and if you ever need prayer or someone to talk to, our 24-hour prayer line is always open at 855-822-PRAY. Thank you for joining me today and keep going, mama. Your love and faith are making a bigger difference than you know, and for all your littles tomorrows, have a wonderful week and remember it's a single mom thing and not the single thing that stops you. Thanks for listening to. It's a Single Mom Thing. I hope you enjoyed our time together. If you have more questions on how to have a relationship with Jesus or need prayer, visit us at wwwshepherdsvillagecom. Backslash prayer. For more information and resources, check out our show notes.