It's A Single Mom Thing
Welcome to “It's A Single Mom Thing”, the show for single moms by single moms.
Being a solo momma and present parent is hard work and it’s easy to lose your focus when you forget your faith. The good news is, that you are not alone, you were singled out in this season, and together we can work on what’s not working for you finding Christ in the crisis! Whether you are listening early in the morning or late at night, we are here for you!
Be encouraged. Get inspired. You can do this, momma.
Stay tuned as each Monday we will feature fresh and fun content and conversations as we join you on this journey from solo momma to solo momma. We promise not to take too much of your time and thank you for spending it with us. It may be a single mom thing, but it doesn’t have to be the single thing that stops you!
It's A Single Mom Thing
Stretch Marks, Embrace the Lines: Stretching You Beyond Your Comfort Zone.
Ready to flip the script on stretch marks? Join me as we stretch beyond our comfort zones in this uplifting episode of 'It's a Single Mom Thing'! 💪✨
We'll laugh together with a bad mom joke that stretches and turns those self-limiting "shouldn'ts" into empowering "shoulds." Tune in for inspiring stories and insights on embracing every mark as a milestone, a line of strength, and a chance to go way beyond yourself.
Remember, you are not alone and amazing just the way you are! 🌟💖
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It's a Single Mom Thing, Not the Single Thing That Stops You!
Welcome to it's a Single Mom Thing, the show for single moms by single moms. This is Sheri, your host, and I am happy you are here today. Remember it's a single mom thing and not the single thing that stops you. Welcome back to it's a Single Mom Thing, the podcast, where we celebrate the single mom thing. Not letting the single thing stop us. Single mom thing, not letting the single thing stop us.
Speaker 1:Today we are diving headfirst, making a big splash into a topic that's all too familiar to many of us ladies, and that is our stretch marks. Now, I know we like to cover these babies up, but today I'm going to challenge us and this includes myself to do something a little different. Are you with me? So, for today, what if we started to look at those little lines more as lines in a bigger story? What if, instead of viewing them as a source of insecurity as we try to look good in our swimsuits, what if, instead, they suited us up with confidence as we rock them, as they were a testament to our journey and growth? I don't know whether they came from pregnancy, weight changes or simply just life itself. What if we viewed them as a part of ourself, and a part of ourself that makes us unique. So in this episode, we are not only going to flip the script on how we view stretch marks, but we are going to use them to stretch us even further, and I'm talking about going beyond our comfort zones. I will be sharing some empowering stories, some laughs and plenty of insights on how to embrace every mark as a milestone, a line of strength and an opportunity to continue to go way beyond yourself. So grab a cup of coffee, get comfortable and let's embrace the beauty and power found in stretch marks. Let's do this Embrace, don't erase the lines.
Speaker 1:Like many of you listening, I have spent a lot of time, money and products trying to erase my stretch marks. In fact, I'll go as far as saying, as others have tried to prepare and prevent these too. Think about it. What is the one gift that is included in almost every gift at a baby shower for the expecting mother? A lotion or cream to treat, tighten or prevent belly or hip stretch marks? Am I right? This cream was passed down to me like kids hand-me-down clothes A cream to remove what every mother before me didn't want me to have or struggle with as they did Stretch marks. Like it was, like a rite of passage, a torch of torture, in my opinion. But let's be honest here. I know they meant well and it was, and still is, one of the many traditional baby shower gifts a new mom receives. But do they really work? I mean, from my experience, they may diminish or lighten the lines, but listen the lines. They don't lie, they are still there.
Speaker 1:But isn't it funny, this notion that we should get rid of them? Some of my most prominent stretch marks I have are now memories of some really incredible and incredibly challenging moments in my life, and they tell the story of where I've been and what I've grown beyond. There is no product company out there that is going to sell you that because, well, quite honestly, they wouldn't have anything to sell, right? So we've been sold quote unquote, on this packaging that there is something wrong with our packaging if it includes these little lines. So should we try to get rid of them? But here's what I know about stretch marks, and it comes by the way of a really bad mom joke Just saying so here we go. Why don't stretch marks ever get lost? Because they always know how to find their way back to you. Okay, I know that was bad, but it does make light of the thing we should be. I don't know, maybe we should lighten up on Turning shouldn'ts into shoulds, the stretch marks of growth.
Speaker 1:So being a single mom is no joke. I think if there is anything that has really, really stretched me beyond my self-limiting beliefs, it was being a single mom, although while I was in it I didn't view it that way. Much like the new visible lines that are showing up on my face as I age, I wanted to make all the struggles to go away. Are you there right now? Do I feel you? Well, of course I do, because I was you. But what if I could teach you what took me decades to learn into days for you, so you don't have to go through everything I went through? Think of it, I don't know, kind of like those hand-me-down clothes or even that cream. But this one comes with a guarantee that this will work for you.
Speaker 1:One of the things that I learned, oh, in about the first 10 years of my single mom season, was to turn my shouldn'ts into shoulds. Now, listen, I am not going to try to should you? Would you coulda on something here? Okay, but be honest with yourself. When I said that phrase did it kind of ding you right there in your gut. Listen, I'm going to tell you a secret married folks struggle with this too. It's not just a single mom thing, it is a human thing. So, listen, the struggle is real and it is real for all of us. So right now, I am going to take that single mom excuse away.
Speaker 1:And so what do I mean about shouldn'ts and the shoulds? I mean those moments when an opportunity or even an obstacle presents itself to you and you think to yourself nah, I shouldn't. I really want to, though, but I shouldn't. I shouldn't ask for help. I shouldn't take time for myself. No, can't do that. I shouldn't dream too big. I shouldn't take risk. No, no, it's wrong. I shouldn't prioritize my needs over my kiddos. Ooh, did some of y'all feel this thing on that one? I shouldn't let others see my struggles. Nope, nope, nope. And I shouldn't rely on anyone else. Ah, who am I fooling? I shouldn't even believe that I can succeed on my own. Now, if I'm honest, that is a one big stretch mark for me there. I said that one over and over. So do any of those sound familiar to you? How to make your reasons, not to your reasons to. So let's explore the five reasons why we do this so we can stretch ourselves beyond our reasons and really go for it.
Speaker 1:Number one fear of judgment. Worrying about being judged by others for your choices or perceived shortcomings. Have you ever had the experience, like me, that when you started doing something new for yourself, the people closest to you thought you were a little cray cray? Do you find that they would start asking you things like hey, what's that new thing you're doing? Why are you doing that anyways? Do you think that will really will work? Or you're a single mom? You can't do that Kind of like they're looking down on you because you already made one big mistake that led you to now being a single parent, even if they never said that to you to your face. But some of the peeps closest to you maybe they just give you those kind of vibes, or even, on the contrary, maybe it's even you telling yourself those very things.
Speaker 1:Number two guilt. You often feel guilty about taking time for yourself or pursuing your personal goals, believing you should always prioritize your kiddos first. I'm sure if you have ever ridden on an airplane, you have heard, even if you are half listening to, the flight attendant who demonstrates how you put the air mask on you first should something go wrong. Then, once that is properly in place, you do what you put it on your kids. Number three low self-esteem. Any of you struggle with self-doubt.
Speaker 1:How about feelings of unworthiness of listen to this, unworthiness of success, happiness or support? Now, in the episode prior to this one and the several ones prior to that one, I think we kind of debunked that junk. The success is impossible, but maybe some of you listening well, like I kind of once did have thoughts that you don't deserve it. For those listening who have a faith, like mine, do you know that depression is a sin? I remember the first time I heard this, I was completely shocked because my feelings were anything but prideful like I thought prideful was. My feelings were anything but prideful like I thought prideful was, but they were. If I think about it, they really were all about myself, even if they were paired with low self-esteem, you see, because all I focused on was myself, myself and what's wrong with myself, and not the one who freed me from myself. Hmm.
Speaker 1:Number four societal expectations. And not the one who freed me from myself. Number four societal expectations, societal norms and stereotypes they can pressure a single mom to conform to certain roles and limit their ambitions. There is this thought that we are less than because we are a you and not a two. If I'm not mistaken, one is a whole number and five.
Speaker 1:Fear of failure, the fear of failing can be paralyzing, leading us actually to avoiding taking risks or even trying new things. Now, this one I totally get, as I grew up with some worry words in my family that left an impression on me. Listen, there are going to be times for all of us and I say all of us, I mean every human being when things don't work out. Do you know anybody, name one, who everything has worked out for them? No, of course not. Has worked out for them? No, of course not. Now, on social, they may present it that way, but not one person on this planet hasn't failed at something. Actually, the biggest failure, you know what that is Not doing something, letting your shouldn'ts be more than your shoulds. Now, as a single parent, yes, you do have to mitigate your risk. I am not denying that at all, but not to the point where they stop you from stretching yourself. What happens to a rubber band that never gets used? You know it dries up, it loses its elasticity and it no longer can be used. Right, let me tell you about two shouldn'ts I turned into shoulds. That stretched me like a rubber band and left me with some really good stretch marks.
Speaker 1:Number one as a single mom, twice I leaped from a job with some really good job security. The first job. Let me tell you about this one. This first one came with a marginal salary, no unemployment benefits, very little annual raises, no opportunity for promotion. But it did come with a student discount for my son to go to school there and it did come with some ample vacation time. If I'm honest, at first, before I leaped, I freaked out because things were going to be tight on that marginal salary. Do you know what I said to myself? I shouldn't take it. I thought to myself over and over as I tried to justify all my excuses. You know, I did end up taking that job and I stayed there for 10 years, accrued five weeks of vacation which I used every time my son was on vacation from school and during COVID, when we were closed for three months, they still paid my full time salary and my benefits. That's a word up and my benefits. That's a word up. And my second job.
Speaker 1:While again still being a single parent, I was offered another great job. I would lose my student discount if I did take this job, and I would have to pay more for my health insurance. And well, I would have less vacation too. And here's the other catcher about the job I would have to be a part of the raising of the funds for my salary, as it was with a nonprofit. Huge, ginormous fear. Why on earth would a single mom take a job where she had to raise her own salary? No, I want the sure thing. I should stay at my other job, right? I mean, well, my son goes to school there, all my friends are there, right? Well then, I just need to shut this microphone off right now and I just need to leave. Because, you guessed it, that job is the one that employs me now and has for the past three years, and allows me to encourage you Within one month of me taking this job, I got a raise, oh, and someone offered to pay for that student discount so I could keep my son at the school where he had formed lifelong friendships and at a school where the people I considered family watched over him while I worked somewhere else to bless you and myself. And let's see the second should, oh. This last should oh, I remember this one too.
Speaker 1:This was another major stretch mark moment. It was the time that I had to leave the residential program that I was living in at Shepherd's Village, and while I lived there, although I did have to pay rent, it was very affordable. Now, having to move back out into the world of rent or not rent, I came across this town home. That was exactly the home that I had been praying for for my son and I for years. But here's the kicker I was still working in that one job that I told you about.
Speaker 1:I worked for 10 years, making marginal salary. I had never planned that I would be able to be blessed with such a townhome, but also a townhome that I didn't plan on spending that much money on either. It was a huge stretch for me to pay what they were asking, and it was going to cut into my budget. I shouldn't, I should. I've been praying for it. No, I shouldn't, I can't afford this. No, this is just going to stretch me way too much. Does that sound like some of the conversations you have in your head? Well, obviously you guessed it, I turned it into a should. But here's what's really cool about that should.
Speaker 1:After living here in my townhome for five years, the housing crisis hit and rent raised to the unreasonable. Well, pretty much everywhere in the United States, but particularly in the county that I live in, my landlord held out for one year from raising my rent. Eventually they did have to raise it, some to cover their new increases and their associated costs, but it would not be tripled like the others around me, forcing many to live in the streets on park benches or even in their cars. It was again going to be another stretch for me to have to pay that increased rent, but it blessed me with a home for my son and I. If I never stretched myself beyond my shouldn'ts or reasons not to, I tend to think that my life would look very different than it does now. In fact, it might look similar to the familiar past, as I would keep doing the last thing I kept on doing in my past talking myself right out of an opportunity to stretch myself.
Speaker 1:Stretch into a bigger dream. So what do you have to do to stretch into a bigger dream, to step out beyond your shouldn't, your comfort zone. If you continue to live in your head, have you ever heard the expression? You're going to be dead. You see, the key is is that you have to take uncomfortable action. You need to be okay with getting a little stretch mark here and there. So here is something that you can do to start small, taking baby steps that I like to say, make big dreams.
Speaker 1:There's this great app that I have found, and I just love its name Fabulous. Well, what girl does not want to be fabulous? And I'm pretty sure it's free. So you know that's for me. But here's what you can do with this. Check this out. You can one set up daily challenges, choose or create daily challenges. I don't know that align with maybe some of your personal growth goals. For example, introduce yourself to someone new today. Spend 10 minutes working on a new skill, speak up in a meeting or class. Something else you can do, then, is you can log and reflect that. How did it feel? How did that come about? What did I learn, did I fail and how am I going to fail forward?
Speaker 1:It has a rewards and accountability feature. You can earn rewards for completing challenges, share progress with a buddy or in app community for support and encouragement. You could do a simple challenge and that's what it's called simple challenge and let's say you could do something as simple as smile and say hello to three people. Today you can even go a moderate challenge. You can share an idea in a group setting or meeting or, if you're ready for those advanced challenges, you can apply for a job or an opportunity that feels slightly out of reach. Maybe even find a friend or career coach who can do a mock interview with you, tweak your resume, help you get dressed for success, help you remarket and rebrand yourself. You see, what's so great about this app is I'm buying it and it is so single mom friendly. You can even create a daily planner to help you with your time so you can spend it wisely. So, as I close, I want to thank you first of all for being here today on it's a Single Mom Thing and for stretching some things out today.
Speaker 1:Today, we talked about embracing, not erasing our stretch marks and turning our shouldn'ts into shoulds, remembering that every line tells a story of strength, resilience and growth. As single moms, we often face doubts and societal pressures, but it is important to challenge these limiting beliefs and step out of our comfort zones. Girl, you are stronger than you know and you are more capable than you realize. Each small step beyond your comfort zone is a victory, and a victory that is worth celebrating. You need to celebrate those. Those are your successes. So let's continue to embrace our unique journeys, support one another and turn our dreams into a reality.
Speaker 1:Stay tuned for more episodes where we share stories, strategies and support to help you thrive. Until next time, remember you're not alone and you are amazing as you are. Keep stretching and growing and let's transform our shouldn'ts into shoulds. Have a wonderful week and remember it's a single mom thing and not the single thing that stops you. Thanks for listening. It's a single mom thing and not the single thing that stops you. Thanks for listening to. It's a Single Mom Thing. I hope you enjoyed our time together. If you have more questions on how to have a relationship with Jesus or need prayer, visit us at wwwshepherdsvillagecom. Backslash prayer For more information and resources. Check out our show notes.