It's A Single Mom Thing
Welcome to “It's A Single Mom Thing”, the show for single moms by single moms.
Being a solo momma and present parent is hard work and it’s easy to lose your focus when you forget your faith. The good news is, that you are not alone, you were singled out in this season, and together we can work on what’s not working for you finding Christ in the crisis! Whether you are listening early in the morning or late at night, we are here for you!
Be encouraged. Get inspired. You can do this, momma.
Stay tuned as each Monday we will feature fresh and fun content and conversations as we join you on this journey from solo momma to solo momma. We promise not to take too much of your time and thank you for spending it with us. It may be a single mom thing, but it doesn’t have to be the single thing that stops you!
It's A Single Mom Thing
Single Mom Life Hacks: How To Have Success With Your Little Someone's
If you want something different with your kids you have to do something different with your kids.
Success is possible, even if you are a single mom.
Today I share with you the areas where I had success as a single mom - sharing with you 5 - Life Hacks on how to have success with your little someone's.
From one Single Mom Success Coach to your future as a successful mom, YOU CAN DO IT TOO!
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It's a Single Mom Thing, Not the Single Thing That Stops You!
Welcome to it's a Single Mom Thing, the show for single moms by single moms. This is Sherri, your host, and I am happy you are here today. Remember it's a single mom thing and not the single thing that stops you. What up my single peeps and welcome back to another episode of it's a Single Mom Thing.
Speaker 1:So, before we begin today, I want to do something that I haven't done in a long time and I want to say thank you. Thank you from the bottom of my heart for being here, and I'm telling you that because I don't want that to be left unsaid. And while we're giving out some gratitude, why don't you thank you Really? I mean, being a parent is a hard job, but being a single parent, that is, without a doubt, beyond hard. It's frustrating, lonely, never ending, exhausting and always changing, except for the only you part. So, even though you spend time with yourself, it is really hard to find time for yourself. You're always on the clock, even if you get sick, am I right? It's very easy for a single to get lost in what I like to call the solo shuffle. So give yourself a big hand clap for taking minutes out of your day to commit to you. You may be the only you acknowledging you today, so you need to do a sister a solid.
Speaker 1:So listen, before we dive into our talk today, I have something else I want to say, as I feel it is something you need to hear. I see you and you are amazing. You really are. You are blessed, beautiful, capable, worthy and, believe it or not, a powerful parent, even if it may not be apparent to you right now, you are, and this has nothing to do with your outward appearance. This is just simply who you are. Every day, you wake up to serve someone other than yourself, your kiddos, even if it's late some days or terribly hard on other days just to get out of bed. And you know something else about you that we have talked about before, but I want to keep saying it. You are fearfully and wonderfully made and, as we discussed last week, you were born with a name, and that name means something that gives meaning to your life and tells others who you are. And you know something else. I know about you, and I know I know a lot, and I haven't even met you. You matter the things you do matter the way you do. It matters. There isn't another mother out there who packs a lunch like you or gives love the way your kiddos need it. You are important, you have purpose, you have value, you have worth, and it has nothing to do with the dollars in your bank account. You are significantly single and get this. You are a world changer in your kid's world and the world of difference their life is going to make in this world.
Speaker 1:Have you ever really thought about it like that? When you are on the toilet today and I like to have some fun here with some words, toil on that, like, really, what in the world would your children do if there was no, you Think about that and find your significance in that, as a solo, you may not have a lot of people in your life who tell you that, nor remind you that there is significance in your singleness and, let's be honest, as most single peeps are in survival mode, you may not even give someone the time of day to share that with you. You may not share that with you. So listen, right now do this with me. Take a deep breath. Just sit there for a second. Sister, you got time. Take a deep breath and then I want you to breathe this thought in Today. This world needs you. You were created for a purpose and you have an assignment that only you can do. And you have an assignment that only you can do, even if you think you can't do it nor know what that is, right now you do and listen. Right now, that is to be a parent. So listen, if it's okay with you. We are going to make a Y-O-U turn, a U-turn, over the next couple of episodes together and start a series of new conversations that I want to have with you and well, really, if I'm honest, god wants me to have with you.
Speaker 1:Now, if you are a person of faith, you know God doesn't just audibly call and audible and say things out loud, like Omaha, mexico, blue 80, sherry said what. On the contrary, he's very quiet, soft spoken and, for me, speaks to me in between thoughts, either while I'm driving or doing my hair. He whispers words to me and shares with me ideas or inspired conversations with me. For some, I have heard for them this usually happens in their shower time. Maybe you can agree, you see, but what I have found is that if I am not focused, I may totally miss out on something special he wants me to share, or share with me, or even share with you. So for those of you listening who maybe have a different faith than mine and that's okay, listen.
Speaker 1:But when I say something like God put something on my heart to share with you, I just want to be clear with you that this is what I mean by that and how it happens, so not as to confuse you. So, even though we may not share the same faith, I do want to be clear what he puts on my heart is not just for me, it's for you too, and with that I'm going to segue for a second and then circle this conversation back so you can see how what we're going to talk about today all applies to you. So, as of recently, he meaning God is putting this inspiring thought in my head about identity, which we spent a lot of time on last week 29 minutes to be exact, on the episode called Will the Real you Please Stand Up Well afterwards. He had this thought for me too. Please stand up Well afterwards. He had this thought for me too, and I love it because it was about my identity and maybe seeing some things that he sees that I haven't seen about me Now.
Speaker 1:We may have been hanging together for the last three years and you've known me as Sherry podcast host, but you've not known me as Sherry, your single mom success coach. That is who he says I am, and you know what I agree. For once in my life I agree with him on something when it pertains to me. You see, my success is your success. What I do, I do for you so you can learn what I did, so you can do it too. Now I know that's a lot to take in and if you say that three times, you're totally going to be lost. You see, even though I may have been a hot mess express at times in my single season as a parent, it is in that season where I grew from the seeds that he planted and he was growing me, using my single success to be my story to share with you, so it can be a part of your story. You see, he qualified me in that season so I can speak to you in yours.
Speaker 1:So, encircling back, I'm going to tell you the secret. That is his desire for you too. It is his desire for you to be a success, own your success and discover how you can have success as a single mom. Doesn't that kind of get you curious and excite you Like, wow, I could be a success at being a single mom. I know it goes contrary to this world, but listen, it is going to change your children's world when you own that, when you own it right now and not later. So, as a fellow hot mess express, let's get on board and pull this thought train out of the station with five single mom life hacks on how to have success with your little someones. Hack number one words change small worlds.
Speaker 1:Okay, so I've got this question for you. How did you feel when you first picked out this podcast out of the 105 other episodes you could have picked, or even another podcast you could listen to Meaning? Did you pick and press play because you needed a pick-me-up or even possibly a new perspective? Did you come here feeling defeated, discouraged, tired, stressed to the mother, or even anxious? Maybe you were even feeling misunderstood or overlooked, because, listen, most single peeps do feel that way. You know you're in good company. Now I want you to get laser focused on that feeling. Do you have it on lock, okay? So did that initial feeling change after I thanked you for being here, or even when I gave yourself a little bit of toad in the room to make some toad for you, meaning gratitude. Was it when I acknowledged you, saying I see you, did you feel a slight sigh of relief? Or how about when I told you who you are, or even that you matter, did the needle on that initial feeling change, even if it was just a little, whether maybe in your outlook or even in your blood pressure or your posture? Take a moment to get a pulse on that. How do you feel now and why do you think that is Now?
Speaker 1:Listen, I'm going to tell you why that is. It's because words change small worlds, one word at a time. I mean, this isn't really a new concept, but one that I believe, in my opinion, is often overlooked. You see what someone says to someone or over someone has power. It speaks either words of possibility or disability. It says, yes, you can, or oh, I could never do that.
Speaker 1:As a believer, listening, let me ask you who is God? Well, in John 1, 1, it says In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God and the Word was God. So of course, I got another question for you as a believer what is the Bible known as? It's known as what it is known as the Word of God, right, and when we speak it, there's what Power? In fact, as a believer, you are taught to read it out loud to activate that power. And God said let there be light. And there was light. And it says that in Genesis 1, 3. Those are familiar words, but they are also incredibly profound. God spoke this world into existence. Profound God spoke this world into existence. He said let there be light, darkness, oceans, plants, animals and people. He did what. He spoke the world into existence. Is this microphone on? So if you are still with me, check it.
Speaker 1:As a believer, then how important do you think he cares about the words we speak, whether to ourselves or others? In fact, he tells us they speak life or death. So, mama, what words you share with your little someones will impact their world. Even if they're just that small words and I'm not just talking about today and in this moment, I'm talking about their yesterdays and their tomorrows your words have the ability to either build them up or tear them down. In the matter of just one word, their whole existence.
Speaker 1:Now think about it. I mean, you were once a kid. Are there words that your parents had with you that you now say to yourself, or even find yourself now saying those to your kids. My guess is, for most of you that's a yes. Some of you may have even spent years in therapy to untie the lie. Someone spoke over you, whether it was intentional or not. Now your kids? They are no different. Is that the future you want for them and even your grandkids? My guess that is a heck no. But you are tired of being sick and tired and so sometimes you just let the words fly out your mouth, just saying and spraying it like some graffiti, just tagging them here and there. So let me ask you do your kids listen to you? Or even maybe have they stopped listening to you? Possibly and I'm just saying this is possibly because it doesn't feel good to listen to you, so they tune you out, but they are tuned in to something else. Have they turned to other people or places that speak words that pour into them? And guess what, my single peeps? In most cases those words are from the world's point of view. How do you feel about that or someone else being the authority over their life? You're out of a job.
Speaker 1:Do you want the adversary of this world speaking words into your little someone's small world, controlling them, controlling their futures, controlling who they think they are. You see, if we want to have success with our little someones, we need to say something different. I mean, haven't we, for like a long time now, been talking about? If we want something different, we have to do something different. Oh yeah, I went there. The truth hurts. So why should your kids be any different, no matter their age or stage? We need to speak wisdom and not foolishness. We need to use our words to plant seeds for future growth, not just stunt it. Do you want your kids in therapy for years talking about how you talk to them? You can be the hero of your kid's world by using the power and authority you have been given that you too can now give them. So how do we do this, you may ask. Is this going to take a long time? And at this point, can I undo what I did to them? And the answer is yes, and you could start as soon as this podcast is over. It is not game over for you and your kids Now.
Speaker 1:That leads to hack number two intention. So if you ever spent time in the gym or done any strength training, you may be familiar with the concept of time under tension. Time under tension TUT in other words refers to an amount of time a muscle is held under tension or strain during an exercise set. During TUT workouts, you lengthen each phase of the movement to make your sets longer. Now, the idea is that this forces your muscles to work harder and optimizes muscular strength, endurance and growth. The same is with your time of intention. In this case, your intention is success with your kids over time and your time with them. It optimizes everyone's strength, endurance and growth, and one way of doing that is with hack number one changing your words so you can change their small worlds.
Speaker 1:Intentions meaning an aim or a plan. Now, as you can see, this isn't a hit or miss approach. This requires focus, desire and discipline. This requires focus, desire and discipline. Attention to intention is what is going to be woven into our upcoming hacks as well, so you need to pay attention. So listen, ladies, you can't slough this one off. Do you want success with your kids or do you just want some success sometimes? Now, let's be honest, from day to day, it may just be that success for that sum of time, but the goal is not to settle on. Sometimes, even the top elite athletes who have trained for years have days where their success for that day was just a sum of time, but it wasn't the sometimes. To be successful, they have to practice, practice, practice even when it hurts, and listen, y'all. To be an elite athlete, they don't always practice in the ideal environments. Do we, as single parents, have an ideal environment? I say no. They get better by stretching themselves and their minds, and they do that with intention. In a podcast to come, we will develop some success strategies to develop just that intention, but for now, let's just keep our attention on the need for intention.
Speaker 1:Hack number three quit the chaos, not on your kids. Now listen, we are doing something new here, so don't get overwhelmed. Okay, I know that this can be a little challenging because it is new, but don't come unglued, girl. Okay, you've been there for way too long, so you need to have a word with yourself. Now listen. Even for your kid's sake, I'm going to require you to seek out your success, not the next argument with the other parent. Get over what they are doing and not doing and you just stick to doing you. Boo See, success is contagious, and when you get your life on track, I don't care, no matter your single situation. We are not going to use that as an excuse, no more. You will teach your kids, even your troubled teen, how to change their situation for today and all their tomorrows. Now you might say, sherry, but you have no idea what their dad did to me, and you're right. But I do know this. I know what your choice to stay on chaos is doing to your kids. You see, nothing changes if you don't change. And right now, chaos is shortchanging them and listen, girl, it's shortchanging you too. You want success with and for your kids. You got to want it more for yourself first.
Speaker 1:So what's causing your chaos? Is it the new relationship you're in or the one you want to be in? Is it your finances, family or girl? Is it even you? Are you like a kid not getting the attention you want? So you create some drama and trauma. Be honest with yourself and then ask yourself what is this chaos costing me? Is it your health, your money, your family? Because, listen, chaos always comes with a cost, and what I have found is that it is usually also your time. So right now, in this very moment, you can change your world and set an intention to live somewhere else besides chaos. May I suggest peace. That may not be normal for you, not even part of your childhood experience, and I understand that. But listen, you can make it a part of your child's experience. So if you are focused on things, let's say, like fear, you are in some chaos Now. However, if you focus on the future of your kids, you can quickly move out of the fear to potentially possibility. If you haven't listened to the podcast on, you Can Dream Again. I would strongly encourage you to do that after this one.
Speaker 1:Hack number four be honest on your mistakes. Let's be honest. How many times did you as a child ever hear your parents apologize for something they did wrong? I don't think I ever heard that. Maybe they didn't. I had tuned them out because the things they said to me didn't feel so good. Now I mean particularly for this podcast and the rearing of you, not so much as other people, for the sake of this podcast, that maybe you have noticed they didn't apologize to. We're talking about you and them. When they let a four-letter word slip, for example, were they quick to apologize? You see, in the generation I grew up in and you've heard me say this before children were to be seen and not heard. We sat at the kids' table and, all kidding aside, our parents never owned their table, never owned their table. Listen to me, they never owned their mistakes, owned their table. Never owned their table. Listen to me, they never owned their mistakes at their table that us kids heard at our table.
Speaker 1:Some of my greatest successes as a single parent were my failures. Those four letter words that's what I'm talking about. Not doing something I said I would is also another one. Or even oh, this is a tough one forgetting a promise that I made that crushed my kid. You see, it was in those moments when I had to check myself and quickly apologize so not as to wreck my kid. I got vulnerable. I allowed my son to see my humanness and I asked for forgiveness when I fell short of the mark. Now, do you know what future gains I got with that one transaction? I got a huge ROI. That is a return on that investment. The next time I either made a mistake, or when my son made a mistake, in fact, I never had to call him out on his mistakes. He did it for me. Now, along with this, I had to set the mindful intention of not shaming or blaming him, especially when the stakes were high and the mistakes were costly.
Speaker 1:You want success with your kids. Fail a few times and be okay with it. Hack number five have good posture. You want your kids to stand tall. It starts with your posture, mama, not theirs. You see, how they relate to the world is based on what has been modeled and is being modeled for them. In most cases, it's what's right in front of them and that's you. So get on your knees and play with them. It's okay. I'm just saying for parents to be playful with their kids Now. I didn't say be their best friend with your kids. That is somebody else's job and we're gonna have more on that for another time.
Speaker 1:Get down to their eye level Now. This is especially important if you want to teach direct or even course correct. Getting down to the eye level so as to talk with them, not over them. It gets their attention. Now, this varies on their age and stage of development as to where that eye level is Now. Moms and boys, this is especially important. This eye contact thing is especially important. Don't just yell across the room. I need you to blah, blah, blah. I am telling you they will never do it.
Speaker 1:When you speak, you need to make sure you have eye contact with them before you say anything and listen. Please don't over explain everything either. Keep it short and keep it in their eyesight. Boys are visual learners and, like husbands, hear nothing if they aren't looking at you. Also, think of the posture of the tone of your voice at the time too. Let's say you're going to play a new game with your kids, for example, and you know kids, they're going to be overly excited if you spend some time with them. They got the ants in their pants and well, they just like to chat, chat, chat and they just chat away. Now let's say that this game is a game they've never played before and there are instructions you have to share.
Speaker 1:One great way to get their intention and attention is the posture you take with the tone of your voice. What I do is I talk really softly at a level where they can barely hear me. They see my lips moving, but they can't hear a thing. A single mom is saying I keep talking at that level until they notice. Hey, I need to get quiet so I can hear what mom is saying. I've even used this technique when we have other kids over. I would start talking at an amplified level and then I would start bringing it down, down, down and down. This was super effective when I needed the energy in the room to come down, or even if I had important information I needed to share. I would bring the tone of my voice down to several levels, lower myself to the ground, and eventually they will level out too.
Speaker 1:Trust me, mom, you don't always have to take the posture and position of yelling at your kids to get their intention excuse me, attention. In fact, the more I made it my intention to do something unexpected, the unexpected happened. Then there is always the posture of praise. Praise raises their confidence. Find something every day to praise them about. It is in those small things when the big things that matter to them they will share with you, first over their friends.
Speaker 1:So, to recap, if you want to have success with your little someones, this someone meaning you is going to 1. Change their words to change their kid's world. 2. Do everything with intention. 3. Quit the chaos and not on your kids. Four, be honest and own your mistakes. And five, have good posture. Listen, I promise you, if you do these hacks repeatedly and with intention and I said repeatedly, you will be an elite single mom success and you will start to have success with your little someones. Just like I did, want more single mom hacks, head on over to sv-universityorg for our faith-based e-learning. Start and stop anytime and pick right back off where you left. Have a wonderful week and remember it's a single mom thing and not the single thing that stops you. Thanks for listening to. It's a Single Mom Thing. I hope you enjoyed our time together. If you have more questions on how to have a professional Jesus or need prayer, visit us at wwwshepherdsvillagecom. Backslash prayer. For more information and resources, check out our show notes.