It's A Single Mom Thing
Welcome to “It's A Single Mom Thing”, the show for single moms by single moms.
Being a solo momma and present parent is hard work and it’s easy to lose your focus when you forget your faith. The good news is, that you are not alone, you were singled out in this season, and together we can work on what’s not working for you finding Christ in the crisis! Whether you are listening early in the morning or late at night, we are here for you!
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It's A Single Mom Thing
19-Red Flags To Look Out For: Christian Single Parents in a Modern Dating World
As a Christian dating have you ever thought you might have more success at finding a needle in a haystack than finding your Christian mate in a modern dating world?
Especially after you have you been ghosted, love bombed, cat fished, benched, flash panned, rizz and roached.
Oh yes, there is a dating glossary for that.
I think for single Christians it is even harder as we were made to stand out and not fit into this world, so how would we ever date and relate in a modern dating world?
So as your sister, I want to do a little iron sharpening today so we are no longer setting ourselves up for failure in a failed world - identifying 19 red flags to look out for in a modern dating world.
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It's a Single Mom Thing, Not the Single Thing That Stops You!
Welcome to it's a Single Mom Thing, the show for single moms by single moms. This is Share your Host, and I am happy you are here today. Remember it's a single mom thing and not the single thing that stops you. According to online dating coach and founder of ProfileHelpercom, eric Reznik, and I quote, swipe apps have trained the newest generation of single adults to look at online dating as more of video gaming than a viable way to make a real connection. End quote. And here Venus Nicolino, aka Dr V relationship expert, he says we are in the process of redefining how humans communicate and, potentially, how we fall in love.
Speaker 1:So is it such a wonder why modern dating may make you miserable? To me, I find dating these days seems more like picking a pair of shoes online at Amazon. You can try and you don't have to buy any of them. If they don't fit or look good on your feet, can you say return? Psychology today even goes as far as liking dating as online shopping. So, as a Christian dating, have you ever thought, I don't know, you might have more success finding a needle in a haystack than finding your Christian mate in a modern dating world, especially after you've been ghosted? Love bomb catfish benched, flash pan rised and roach oh yes, there is a dating glossary for that. I think for single Christians, you know, it's even harder as we were made to stand out and not fit into this world. So how would we ever date and relate in a modern dating world? Welcome to another episode of it's a Single Mom Thing.
Speaker 1:So, as we wrapped up the month of February last week, I just wanted to do one more go around on the dating dial, really dialing into the subject and getting deep with what God wants us to understand. You see, this is a subject that I have a lot of conversation with. Seeking single parents, I think, especially for single parents, it's even more difficult, as you, like me, we've all had our like I like to say quote unquote next level hurt. So to open yourself, being vulnerable in a modern dating world that can make you feel really exposed, especially when you're triggered, and it triggers past hurts. Some of you that may I don't know like me, have worked out some things already, but then, as soon as you get flash pan, the burn of that pain comes right back. So, as your sister, I want to do a little iron sharpening today so we are no longer setting ourselves up for failure in a failed world.
Speaker 1:We are going to identify 19 red flags that's right, 19 biblical base red flags to look for as dating Christians in a modern world. So as a Christian, you are familiar that in this world there will be trouble. In fact, we discussed it in the podcast dating in a broken world. And as a Christian, you are out of this world, meaning, as in John 15, 19 through 21 in the New American Standard Bible, if you were of the world, the world would love you as its own. But because you are not of the world, but I chose you out of the world, because of this, the world hates you. To the modern dating world you may be a commodity, but to God you are out of this world. Think about it. And if we are out of this world, then it is important that we not look to the world to explain to us what's going on, but we need to look to his word.
Speaker 1:Did you even know that there are biblically based red flags? I didn't. I mean, like me, I'm sure you are familiar with relationship. Red flags like codependency, narcissism, emotional abuse, substance abuse and even emotional unavailability, just to name a few toxic behaviors which don't get me wrong are important to know whether you identify those behaviors in others and even yourself. In fact, there are several great books like Good Boundaries and Good Bias by Lisa Turquoise and ministries like Celebrate Recovery that can help identify and healing those hurts, habits and hang-ups. And listen, I would strongly encourage putting your healing first as a priority before looking for any first dates For this podcast.
Speaker 1:The red flags we are going to discuss apply to the worldwide problem that we were warned about for such a time as this. So this isn't really rocket science. This isn't something new, but maybe has been overlooked. When it comes to dating, there will be terrible times. In the last days, people will be lovers of themselves, lovers of money, boastful, proud, abusive, disobedient to their parents, ungrateful, unholy without love, unforgiving, slanderous without self-control, brutal, not lovers of the good, treacherous, rash, conceited lovers of pleasure rather than lovers of God, having a form of godliness but denying its power, having nothing to do with such people. And that's not from Psychology Today, that is from 2 Timothy 3-1-5, so old yesterday. Does this sound like I don't know anyone you found online, met in person or recently dated? Now listen, this goes for both believers and non-believers alike. Both can act like a fool, but we as Christians are called to be wise. So let's dive into this list written by Apostle Paul, so we can avoid bad relationships and quickly identify these behaviors as we look to stand apart in the dating world. God's way Wave the red flags. So before we proceed, I want to give all the props and credit to Mark Bellinger with applying God's word for the following content that I just care to share with you, and we're going to go over these 19 red flags in detail.
Speaker 1:Number one people will be lovers of themselves. I don't know, sounds kind of narcissistic, do you, doesn't it? When two people come together for self-centered reasons, the results are terrible. You should personally enjoy the person you're with. You should be satisfied with the relationship, but personal enjoyment and satisfaction are byproducts of sacrificial love. When someone loves themselves most of all, they will be incapable of being in a great relationship, thank you.
Speaker 1:2. Lovers of Money For the love of money is the root of all kinds of evil. Now, that's not nothing new. You have heard that before. Even if you don't love money, you can get into a relationship with someone who does, and you will be pierced by the troubles of that as well. 3. Boseful Now someone might be truly gifted in a certain area, but if they flaunt it in everyone's face and use it to exalt themselves well, this mere presence will be painful to be around, especially if they love to serve themselves instead of serving others.
Speaker 1:4. Proud One of the differences between being Boseful and prideful is that pride is an inner character defect and being Boseful is when you express that inner defect outwardly. While Boseful people are annoying to be around, prideful people can often be dangerous to be around. If you get into a relationship with a proud person, they will do everything in their power to always be right, which usually means you are always wrong. 5. Abusive Abuse is the opposite goal of a godly relationship. God intends for men and women to edify each other, to build each other up, not tear each other down when one person abuses the other or when two people abuse each other. This is a holy hold up. This is a bad relationship. You better run.
Speaker 1:6. Disobedient to their parents. Now, I know that may not seem like a big deal because you are not going to be living with their parents, but odds are they are still going to be somehow connected to you when people are still dependent on their parents and they are not full adults. The Bible requires obedience. When people are self-sufficient and are adults, however, god no longer requires obedience, but he still requires honor. So when even grown children rebel against their parents, they are dishonoring God.
Speaker 1:7. Ungrateful as we have already discussed, the main source of joy in a relationship is serving the other person. However, this joy of service is robbed by an ungrateful person. You can be eager and happy to serve the other person you are with, but if they are ungrateful, you will feel disrespected and taken advantage of, thus losing your joy and joy of service. 8. Unholy. When something is called holy in the Bible, it means it is set apart and dedicated for God's special use. Christians are called to be holy so we can be used mightily by God. When you join with an unholy person who walks in sin, you will corrupt your life and miss out on being useful for God.
Speaker 1:9. Without love Sometimes bad relationships are formed not just because someone doesn't really love you. Sometimes people don't have any love to give. You can't be loved by someone who does not have any love in their own heart to give. 10. Unforgiving Listen, we all fail each other at times. We are human. But without forgiveness, a long-lasting, healthy marriage just is not possible.
Speaker 1:Let's take a quick break. Like pure gold, you, my sisters, are rare, beautiful, valuable and, yes, you reflect light. Want to learn more about who you really are? Let me tell you there is so much treasure that you have yet to discover about you. Oh, yes, we're talking about redefining purity. Join me and a couple of my close friends and one special guest, ginger Fitchett, next Tuesday, march 12, at our it's a Sing a Mom thing Support Group and Class at Starkey Road Baptist Church. Save your seat today at shepherdsvillagecom forward slash classes. This isn't going to be like your mama's conversation on purity. You won't want to miss it. Now back to our show.
Speaker 1:11. Slanderous Slanders. When you say untrue things about someone with the intent to hurt them, you know the sticks and stones may break our bones. We know that and we know the power that those words had to break us when we were kids. You see, when someone lies and says something hurtful about you, they severely damage the relationship, sometimes past the point of repair.
Speaker 1:12. Without Self-Control A lack of self-control is a major ingredient to almost every kind of sin, when people are unable to restrain their feelings even when they know what they are about to say or is doing wrong. This person is not a fit in a relationship and needs to be mature before you can open up to them in a healthy relationship. 13. Brutal Some people go from zero to 100 when there's even the slightest conflict in a relationship. When someone is a brutal person, they will constantly cross the line and be over the top in their words and actions. Even what someone is saying is true. The Bible instructs us to make sure we also speak the truth in love.
Speaker 1:14. Not lovers of the good. You don't want to be married to someone that you have to nag and beg to serve at the church, to tie to care about the needs of those less fortunate. One of the greatest joys of a Christian marriage is serving side by side, but you won't have that joy if you get into a relationship with someone who doesn't love doing good.
Speaker 1:15. Treacherous One definition of treachery is guilty of involving betrayal or deception. A relationship built on lies always crumbles sooner than later. 16. Rash. Ecclesiastes 5-2 says Be not rash with your mouth, nor let your heart be hasty to utter a word before God, for God is in heaven and you are on earth. Therefore, let your words be few. When we are quick to speak, slow to listen and quick to get angry, we are doing the opposite of what God wants us to do and instructs us in James 1-19.
Speaker 1:17. Conceded. Conceded is very similar to being proud and boastful, two qualities that Paul warned about already. It seems like Paul is trying to really make a point about the dangers of people who are self-exalting and proud. I don't know, I'm just saying I think a few got kicked out of heaven for pride.
Speaker 1:Quite simply bad relationships. They're filled with conceit. Good relationships, though, however, are filled with humility. 18. Lovers of pleasure rather than lovers of God. When you love pleasure more than God, you miss both God and you miss the pleasure. But when you love God more than pleasure, you will get God and the pleasure he gives you.
Speaker 1:19. Having a form of godliness but denying its power. Perhaps the worst type of person to be around is a religious hypocrite. We all have been around a few Maybe even been you. Rather than be honest about their sense and faults, they try to hide their flaws and religious appearances. You know the type they act one way in front of others, but behind closed doors. The darkness always comes out. If you're behind closed doors with this person, their legalism will lash out at you.
Speaker 1:20. Rather than a religious person, what you really want is a person who values their relationship with Jesus Christ above everything else. If someone truly loves Jesus, they will also be empowered to love you, even on the days when you aren't so lovable. This, my solo sisters and brothers, this is what we're looking for, not in a modern dating world, but when we're out there dating in this world, but not of this world. You see, we serve and you know the God of possibilities and in probabilities. When God is ready to find your mate, whether in a coffee shop, at a church, building your habitat, home or even online, that person will be there. So take heart and take courage to know that your father has that person already ready for you. When you are ready for that person and in God's time, he's ready for the two of you to meet.
Speaker 1:I'm off for the next two weeks, returning on March 17th. Have a wonderful week and remember it's a single mom thing and not the single thing that stops you. Thanks for listening to. It's a Single Mom Thing. I hope you enjoyed our time together. If you have more questions on how to have a relationship with Jesus or need prayer. Visit us at wwwshepherdsvillagecom For more information and resources. Check out our show notes.